The Cuddle Buddy Controversy: Rules of Engagement

by Jenn Burton

Previously I introduced you to the concept of what I call your Mantourage for dating.  Personally, establishing a mantourage was a deeply rewarding experience for me which I will definitely share more as we get to know each other better;)  One of the most advantageous by-products of dating with a mantourage is the often controversial topic of Cuddle Buddies (or Spooning Partners etc)  I looked up the definition in Urban Dictionary, and am laughing at the examples they provide. (and I thought I could be explicit) Warning it’s a bit crass.

“Cuddle Buddy:  two people who enjoy the affection of one another. In some cases, this may lead to friends with benefits or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

Friend: dude so did you get some head last night? 
Friend2: Dawg, we are just cuddle buddies!”


I am personally all about having cuddle buddies while dating, for clarity let me state that I am not referring to a friend with benefits scenario.  I strictly am addressing having some one hold you when you want to be held.  With that in mind let’s tackle my Rules of Engagement for Successful Cuddle Buddy Encounters.


1.  Do understand from the beginning that any man who agrees to come over to be your non sexual cuddle buddy has at least one of two hopes in mind.  

a) He would really like to sleep with you.  (I’m hoping that you are saying Duh of course, who doesn’t;)
b)  He might want to be your man exclusively.
c)  both a & b

2.  With #1 in mind, it is completely acceptable to invite him over, as long as your intentions are clear.  Saying “I really  want you to come over and just hold me tonight, nothing else” makes your intentions clear.  Elaborate explanations of why he will never be your boyfriend and you just don’t see him that way are buzz kill.  


Let me be utterly clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking someone to come hold you because you just feel like being held.  Yes, men do have hopes in accepting, but we all do.  Bottom line every woman (from 18 to 107, let me know if I missed anyone;) deserves to be held when she wants to be held, and there are many many men out there who don’t mind being a strong pair of arms for you even if you don’t reciprocate his exact feelings.


3.   If you are in the beginning stages of dating someone you particularly like, I highly recommend staying away from asking him over as a cuddle buddy until you are sure you would like to have sex with him.  Cuddle Buddy Privileges are acquired with time and trust.  Cuddle Buddy is never a first date option.  

It is super confusing to a man for you to take him home on a first date (or vice versa) and insist on just cuddling.(In his mind his chances are really high of getting laid if you do this.  Frankly he’s right.)  Reserve Cuddle Buddy status for a man who has been around you for a bit, who has earned your trust.  Someone you know you can say just hold me and he won’t start undressing you.  It’s very hard to know this about somebody in the beginning.


4.  Dating with a Mantourage gives you lots of Cuddle Buddy Options.  You decide who tickles your cuddle fancy for the evening.   Be sure to let him know how much you appreciate him.

5.  Asking for the Cuddle from a man you really like but who is inconsistent with you-  Most of us have at least one man in our mantourage that is more inconsistent than others.  As long as you are not in the very beginning stages of dating him (per #3) it is definitely okay to ask him over to just cuddle. Be okay with the fact he might not respond or he might deny your request.  It can mean a multitude of things which in the grand scheme of things means nothing to you.

I actually think this is a super exercise in strengthening your ability to ask for what you want from men, regardless of the outcome.  The worst that could happen is that he says No or he doesn’t respond.  The best he shows up at your door and adores you for the evening.  

Note:  Do not do this if you have tied your self-esteem up in whether he tells you Yes or not.  This is to build your chops not tear you down. Also if you don’t hear from him within 2 hours, ask someone else.  Never wait around for a response.  If he responds after asking someone else, tell him you’ll catch him on the next go around;)  You had unexpected plans come up.

Rules of Engagement make this process so much more sweet. Let us  know if you have particular Rules of Engagement for this topic by commenting below.  As always if you liked the content please share with the ladies on Facebook & Twitter!



 
 

P.S.
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P.P.S.

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