There is a common old saying: “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” I like the saying, but in dating, I found another phrase to be much more effective, which I’ll get to shortly.
I want to tell you about John. (Names have been changed to protect the not so innocent!) John started my dating adventures. John swept me off my feet, then dropped me on my head. At the time, I had never felt before what I felt with him. John was not particularly attractive, but I felt incredibly giddy when we spent time together. It was a whirlwind romance, amazing oral sex, and just a head to toe tingle that I couldn’t stop thinking about.
In fact, the thinking became a bit obsessive. (Okay, I admit it… really, really obsessive.) I drove everyone around me crazy, asking what they thought about him. When he didn’t call, I’d send him a text just to make sure he was okay. He called less and less until he disappeared completely.
During this time, I started dating other men. Secretly, I hoped John would show up with flowers and tell me I was the woman for him. I still had thoughts about John, but only when I was feeling really insecure. I noticed the more I let myself date, the less I worried about whether or not he would call.
Then he did call. I called him back, no answer. That was the last time I heard from him.
So what does all of this mean? If there is someone you can’t stop thinking about, then dating more than one man is your answer.
If a man hasn’t asked you already for exclusivity, you will not get him to do so by having tunnel vision. Unless a man is completely infatuated with you, he will not be able to handle all of your attention and focus on him. He will call you less and less (unless you are his current booty call, and then he will only call when he wants some) and eventually disappear.
Men have a radar. If you want him to think about you more, you need to start having more fun with other men. Men ultimately want to choose the woman they can’t stop thinking about, which is always the woman they feel amazing around. I’ll let you in on a little secret: men worth keeping around are the ones that want to work for your attention. If he has to work for it, you will be on his mind a lot.
Have you thought about the fact the only successful couples on the Bachelor & Bachelorette series come from the Bachelorette show? The Bachelorette series is really the only one that has a shot in hell at success. Why? Because men are not designed to be pursued. If you are going to pursue a man, you must learn how to do it in a way that allows him to ultimately feel like he had to pursue you. (That’s totally doable.)
What it all boils down to is that you, my lady, have the feminine essence. Your feminine essence or feminine sensuality has infinitely more power than a man’s physicality. A man can only resist a woman for so long if she knows what she is doing. (I’m not talking about rocking his world in bed.)
If you are ready to understand your own feminine power and create a space for him to adore you, then take the next 3 steps immediately:
- Stop limiting your options to just him. You are actually pushing him further away (and there is no need to tell him you are seeing other people).
- Make sure if he asks to spend time with you, it’s doing something you really enjoy doing (and not just having sex with him).
- Let him do most of the contacting, and absolutely no waiting around on him.
Finally, as you build your skill set with men, don’t freak out when you don’t hear from him. Just keep your options open. There are 2 things I know for sure about dating and creating a Mantourage (the multiple men you are dating):
1.You will draw him closer and create space for him to adore you.
2. He will be cleared out to a) protect you b) make room for a man upgrade or c) both.
How do you know, Jenn? Because it happened to me several times while I was dating. First, with John, who I failed to mention had a terrible physical night terror issue. By morning he had thrashed his way to the floor. (I could have been seriously hurt.) My favorite evidence, though, was my upgrade, Will. I’ve never met a man who makes me laugh as hard, feel as beautiful, and who adores me with that sweet southern charm. So thank you, John. Everything about you was a huge blessing, including when you disappeared.
My lady, I promised you a new mantra for dating. Try it out let me know how it feels:
If you want him, date other men too.
If he mans up for you, he’s yours.
If he doesn’t, your upgrade is coming soon.
Hey girlfriend, here is a romantic challenge for you. Do you have someone you can’t stop thinking about? Well then, write down the last time you talked to him on your calendar. Now get your hot bunz busy having an amazing time without him, including dating other men. Be sure to not call him. Then, in the comments section, let me know how long it a) takes for him to contact you, b) takes you to meet somebody yummy, or c) both. Also, let me know if he contacts you when he is the last thing on your mind or when you are thinking about him. Be sure to share some of your yummy dating adventures with us. Your stories inspire other women. Oh yeah, don’t forget, if you liked this, share it with the gals on Facebook & Twitter.