Dating After Divorce: 10 Crucial Steps to Save You From a Life of Loneliness & Regret Part II

by Jenn Burton

In Part I of Dating After Divorce (which I suggest you read first if you haven’t already), I introduced you to the first five crucial steps to protect you from loneliness and regret as you venture back into the single world. Today, we are going to cover the last five steps, so let’s get to it. Oh, and by the way, these steps are very helpful if you just been through a break up as well.

6. Change your vocabulary around your love life.

If your past relationships have been plagued with heartbreak, pain, counseling, etc., I can almost guarantee you that how you describe your love life needs to be updated immediately. I challenge you to throw out all of you blah and boring descriptions of relationships. It’s time to replace your vocabulary with juicy upgrades. Be bold, a little naughty, cheeky, a lot naughty, sultry, sexy, and sensual. I want you to know what it feels like to be giddy again with your love life. Knowing how much a man adores you feels much more delicious than knowing how much he likes you. I know many of you have been playing in a man’s world for a while and have lost connection to the uniquely feminine, creative vocabulary buried deep inside. I am daring you to reconnect, and I am going to give you a head start…

Like=adore

nice=juicy

marriage=legendary love experience

boyfriend= my lover, my beau, my guy

good looking guy= hottie

relationship=love affaire

husband= my man

you= enchantress, seductress, siren, the woman he can’t stop thinking about…

The options are endless, but the results are profoundly delightful.

7. The more good you find in men, the more good men you will find. 

I know, I know, it’s soooo easy to get caught up in everything men do wrong. We all have exes that were as*holes. Some much, much worse than others. But here’s the deal: if you keep focusing on everything he did wrong, you are cutting off your attracting men mojo. Bitter and resentful are a huge turn off. What I need you to do is start to find the good in the men around you, even with your ex. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to instantly forgive everything he ever did. I am just asking you to write down a few good qualities about him. Then I want you to get started with the rest of the male population.

Specifically, I want you to start seeing the qualities you find attractive in men. All men have something attractive about them, whether they are 18 or 80. (This is a very key point in how men will treat you.) I want you to be a “what’s attractive about men” detective. This a very important door to open if you want to create adoration in your life. As you practice seeing the good in all men, notice how they start reacting you. Men are naturally drawn to women who genuinely enjoy their company. This is key to having the man you want in your life. Great example: Mae West. Droves of men wanted to be with her; it was obvious how much she loved being around them.

 8. Just because you have a degree in something doesn’t make you good at it.

A couple of months ago, I was out with some girlfriends having a drink. One of the ladies was talking about how much she didn’t like her husband. When I mentioned a few bits that might help her turn the situation around, she quickly spat back at me, “I have a degree in sociology; I know what I am talking about.”

I promptly shut my mouth, because I knew that this was obviously a very sensitive subject for her. I imagine knowing that she hadn’t been able to change her situation even with all of her knowledge was disheartening on many levels.

Here’s the thing… I have a degree in Spanish and French. My French is awful, and my Spanish is much, much better. What’s the difference? I spent three years in Mexico speaking Spanish. I’ve never had an immersion experience in French.

Many of us have no training in creating fantastic relationships in our lives. Theory is rarely enough. You can have tons and tons of knowledge about love and relationships, but your love life can still suck just like my French. What we all need is practical training. I can teach you everything you need to know, but unless you go out and practice, your results will be negligible. I love to teach women how to date by breaking it down into very manageable but exciting tools and tasks.

9. Just because it didn’t happen the way you wanted it to before doesn’t mean you are doomed to fail again.

I promise you not all men are cheaters, players, sex addicts, dogs, and fill-in-the-blank with any other nasty adjectives you can think of. I also promise you that no matter what happened in your previous relationship, it doesn’t mean that you suck at being loved. What it does mean is that you can do some tweaking and have very very different outcomes, just like I did.  :lol:

10. Avoid Serial Monogamy.

Remember the statistics I mentioned last week? Divorce rate for second marriages 60 to 67 percent, 70 to 73 percent for third.* Serial Monogamists fit into these categories. Most women aren’t serial monogamist because they truly enjoy being in a relationship; they do it because they don’t know how to not be in a relationship. So they go from one break up to another relationship, never knowing exactly what it is they want in a man. They just take the first man that is good enough or shows enough attention. Really, I find this to be dismaying. If you aren’t going to take a chance on yourself, then who is really going to take a chance on you?

When you choose to date, then you choose to prove to yourself that you have the ability to define and create the love life you want, whenever you want. You open your world to magical and wondrous possibilities very rarely found when you jump from one relationship to another.

When you use these 10 Crucial Steps to recreate your love life after a divorce or break up, you will clear the way for some of your most memorable adventures. I know you can learn everything you need to have what you want with men. The only thing you need to do now is take a chance on yourself.

 I love knowing your thoughts, and if you enjoyed this article: 1. Leave your thoughts below in the comments. 2. If you enjoyed the 10 crucial steps, please share with your gals on Facebook, Twitter, Google, etc., etc. (Especially, if you have a gal in your life who could use some good news about her love options!)

If you haven’t signed up for my newsletter yet, then CLICK HERE to get the good stuff. 

* Statistics from divorcestatistics.org



 
 

P.S.
Are you ready to stop playing around and take your love life to a level worthy of your attention? Then Click HERE


P.P.S.

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

alainadrew@appsforiphoneipad September 16, 2011 at 11:00 am

I have been waiting for this part two dating tips after getting divorced. You have great tips that act as an eye opener for me that not all men are cheaters. I have been deceived and hurt at once, I have developed this feeling that I could not trust men in general. But reading your blogs enlighten me, that I should not generalize what I have experienced with my ex. Thank you.

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Aurora September 16, 2011 at 9:55 pm

I just recently started reading your articles and I am glad I have. I have been divorced for 1 year and have dated a handful of loosers. I now have trust issues, I need to work on this asap. I really want to believe not all men are cheaters, players etc… I am tired of being seen only as a sex doll, sometimes I feel that my physical appearance is more of a curse than a blessing. I want to find a man that will adore me, respect me, take me out on wonderful dates not these assholes that only want to be friends with benefits. I am 44 years old and not getting any younger. As I type these words I am sitting here at home feeling lonely and sorry for myself : (

hopeless, Aurora

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Jenn Burton September 19, 2011 at 7:27 am

Hey Aurora, sooo glad you posted. We all feel sorry for ourselves sometimes. It only becomes a real problem when you stay feeling sorry. Any type of beauty is always a blessing. What I’ve noticed with most women who are tagged by our society as possessing a lot of physical beauty, is that they have no clue how to manage all of the male attention they get. So their personal boundaries get blurred and they are so used to being hit on they get very excited about the first guy they actually find attractive. When your personal boundaries are blurred you make decisions based on what you think will make him happy. Without knowing what truly turns you on and makes you happy you are setting yourself up for romantic disaster. Some women make the mistake of thinking setting up boundaries involves being a complete and utter bitch about it. Dating itself is about learning to have fun again around men while honoring your own personal boundaries. Doing things that expand your experience as a woman and challenge you, not doing things that compromised your integrity. It’s about defining who you are through learning about what you like, including what you like about men. It’s about learning to appreciate their great qualities and learning when to overlook certain behaviors and deal break on other ones. It’s an adventure, primarily about self exploration. One that I hope you will start to enjoy. Thank you, I love that you are hanging out with me here.

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