Should I Tell Him I Love Him First?
Happy Happy Holidays Lovergirl!
I am sitting here reminiscing about the first time my handsome man told me he loved me. Which, by the way, was the first time he had ever said such lovely words to a woman.
Will nonchalantly puts on “Where Love Begins” by Gene Watson, pulling me to his 6’2” frame as he slow dances me to his bedroom.
With his lips pressed to mine we crawl into his bed followed with several more minutes of smooching as he abruptly stops and asks me…
“Are you giddy when you are in love?”
My heart races as I realize he wants to drop the LOVE bomb on me. I coyly reply:
“Well that depends”
He spends the next five minutes lying next to me using his complete arsenal of humor, wit, charm, and mad kissing skills to woo me into telling him first that I love him.
definitely, but good thing in my dating adventures I had learned to become an adored woman, never settling for less than what she truly wanted. I stood my ground; I wanted with all of my heart to hear him tell me first, and we playfully bantered back and forth.
Suddenly Will’s facial expression softened and ever so sincerely he tells me:
“I love you”
Ok, YES YES YES!!!! Fireworks are going off in my head and the kiss that follows my subsequent confession of love for him is filled with joy, relief, anticipation, excitement, & definitely butterfly-esque giddy.
It felt magical, 100 percent undeniably magical. You see, I had wanted to tell him for about a month, but decided to kick my impatience to the curb and wait for what I truly deeply desired. And as a Romantic Fairy Godmother for Strong Successful Single Women, I want this for you too.
Which brings me to today’s question on Fairy Dust Friday:
Should I Tell Him I Love Him First?
Before I can answer this question for you, I have to tell you that there is no standard across the board answer to this question. Lots of women wait for the man and it works out. Lots of women say it first and it works out. This question is not about trying to figure out what is best for him. It is however all about you and what you want.
But first you must ask yourself two imperative questions:
1. What would it mean to me for him to say it first?
This is always the first question you should ask yourself. And this is always the question I ask my clients when they ask me if they should tell him “I love you” first.
Because so many strong successful single women cheat ourselves out of magical moments because of our impatience with men, and our need for instant gratification.
After years of being wildly insecure about men and their feelings for me, I decided I was no longer going to cheat myself out of the moment I experienced with Will because of my impatience. I really wanted to hear him lead on this; it meant and still means a lot to me.
By the way, I don’t have the words to articulate why it means so much to me. It just does. So instead of going on an exhaustive journey to define the motive behind my desire, I decided to honor it instead, and not dilute it’s potency with over-explanation. That’s what adored women do.
Which means if for any reason it feels good to hear these words from him first… THEN WAIT, and don’t cheat yourself out of that opportunity.
BUT, if the experience of him saying it first isn’t truly important to you, then I want you to ask yourself one more question before you proceed with your declaration of love.
2. Will I be devastated if he doesn’t reciprocate my feelings right now?
Here’s the thing my sweet girl: he very well may be in love with you right this moment. And your love declaration just may give him the romantic security clearance to say those words to you as well. (This is definitely what I want for you)
But if he doesn’t, it’s probably because of one of the following reasons…
a) he’s not ready to say it yet
b) he’s not there (in love ) yet
So I need you to ask yourself before you rush in confessing your undying love for him…
will you be be devastated if he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings right now?
Now I’m not talking about being disappointed, any woman would be disappointed if he doesn’t reciprocate. I mean, will you go into a downward spiral and shut down for romantic business? Will you start acting needy or clingy towards him, trying to prove your romantic worth, or worse, get pissed off and shitty with him?
Can you continue to have a great time and understand that just because he doesn’t feel that way yet, it doesn’t mean he never will? If you can answer YES to this question, then absolutely, tell him how you feel.
Otherwise, hold off for now, and build your confidence with your Mantourage. (As long as you two haven’t clearly agreed on exclusivity yet, that is.) Get busy having an incredible dating adventures, and let me know when that magical moment happens Pretty Lady.
Fairy Dust Friday Over & Out,
P.S. You deserve all the magical moments you want. Why don’t you start today by making a Romantic Bucket List? Tell me in the comments 2 things on your list. I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours:-)