A few weeks ago when I sent out my Fairy Dust Friday about staying out of the friend zone, I didn’t anticipate how I was going to trigger so many women so much.
Full disclosure: I don’t say things to intentionally trigger women almost ever. I say things in order to spark a thought in your head, to help you unravel conditioned beliefs that are limiting you in having what you want in your love life and to show you that you have the power to change your romantic destiny. No one, especially no man, can do that for you. It is totally an inside job, but one that requires outside actions.
So honestly, I trigger women all the time because it’s easier to blame men than it is to own that you are powerful enough, beautiful enough, sexy enough, smart enough, funny enough, and successful enough to have what you want with him.
I am not going to stop teaching you how you can do just that anytime soon. Even if it means you sometimes will be pissed off by me, or at me. By the way, we all get triggered sometimes… especially me. I have to choose to look behind it before I’ve dismissed it, even if it takes me a day or two to do so.
This week for Fairy Dust Friday, we are talking about getting out of the friend zone. And I have to tell you that getting out of the friend zone is actually much harder than staying out of it, so pay attention 😉
Why? Let’s start with a music video:
I love this song; it brings back so many middle school memories for me. Especially of the boy, Scott, that I had a HUGE crush on in seventh grade. We weren’t really friends, so it didn’t qualify for friend zone, but I would have absolutely put myself in the friend zone just to be near him, had I been given the opportunity.
This kind of friend zone crush is very, very common. And almost like a rite of passage growing up. The trouble happens as we go into our 30s and 40s, when we use the friend zone to keep us from the romantic life we want.
As I mentioned in Part 1 of How To Stay Out Of The Friend Zone, it is not uncommon for women to stay in the friend zone for years waiting for this one particular man for to finally recognize her as the love of his life.
The problem is that in reality, this happens way less than you expect. Yes, I am going to say it… your fairy tale ending with him has a significant chance of not happening. It could happen, but more often than not it doesn’t… and I really hate saying that.
BUT… there are a few strategies that will remove you from the friend zone, which does increase his chances of seeing you through a romantic lense instead of as a friend. Only then does this have a real shot for the two of you. By the way, this material is not intended for use with an otherwise committed man.
And off we go…Getting Out Of The Friend Zone
1. Immediately Stop Being His Confidante About Women
Most confidantes believe that if she bonds with him over the topic of women, that somehow he will learn to trust her more, and eventually see what he is missing with her. In reality, this backfires more often than not, because it solidifies his perception of you as a buddy instead of a woman with romantic potential.
To fix this you can do two things:
A) Constantly change the subject when it comes up.
B) Feign disinterest in the topic, and get excited when he talks to you about anything else.
These two should work very well, but if some reason he still doesn’t get it, then:
2. Be Transparent With Him, But Don’t Punish Him If He Doesn’t Reciprocate
A.) Tell him that you don’t feel comfortable giving him advice about other women
B) Tell him you have a small crush on him, and you’d prefer to talk about other topics because you are likely to cut these women.
Okay, I am just kidding – wanted to see if you paying attention ( I confess to a dark sense of humor at times).
Tell him you have a small crush on him, and as friends you’d rather not discuss other women.
SIDE NOTE: There is a possibility that some awkwardness will ensue after this. Just remember, it is okay for you to have feelings for someone, even if they don’t reciprocate.
So if you are willing to say this to him, be willing to not hold it against him if he doesn’t have the same feelings for you. BUT if he does have feelings for you, then you’ve just opened that door instead of remaining on the sideline.
Also, there is a risk of your friendship ending.
I like transparency, but I also understand that this friendship may have special significance for you outside of the romantic realm. So by all means, if losing this friendship would be devastating on a friendship level, just stick to the first suggestion about changing the subject, no longer being his confidante about other women, and as quickly as you can proceed to number 3.
3. Immediately Start Developing Your Mantourage
What is a Mantourage you ask? Well Lovergirl, these are the genuine options you have in dating. And trust me, there is nothing hotter than a woman who has options.
When you open up your options for dating, you increase your romantic visibility.
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You see, men like their women how they like their high dollar toys: someone that every man wants, but not just any man can have. This is why, while dating, seeing more than one man until you have exclusivity is so important.
I am NOT talking about telling him about the other men you are seeing. (I am also NOT talking about intentionally trying to make him jealous or think that you are sleeping with other men.) I am talking about having genuine options in men, and genuine options about who you choose to be exclusive with. You only have genuine options when you date more than one man that you have a genuine interest in getting to know better.
Two things happen when you do this:
A) He starts seeing you through a different lense that he can’t exactly articulate
B) You open a magical portal to having what you want in your love life because you haven’t shut the door on romantic possibility.
Now it is true that it may not end up being him, but that’s a moot point when you are giddy in love and experiencing the romance you’ve always wanted. Also, it is true that ANY woman can have options in men, regardless if you believe it or not.
Lastly, I know these techniques are not necessarily emotionally easy-peasy. Especially if you have resided in the friend zone for years. But I also know that you having a love life that leaves you feeling alive, fulfilled, loved, adored, and cherished, trumps the comfort of the friend zone any day.
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