Should you friend a man you are just dating on Facebook?
Almost 100 percent of the time, I recommend that my clients NOT accept friend requests from men they are dating, outside of an exclusive relationship. In fact, I can’t think of one situation where I would recommend otherwise.
The most important piece of this isn’t the action or inaction itself, but actually the why that is such a huge benefit to your dating life.
So why Jenn? Well to understand my why, I need to give you a bit of background info:
1. I teach my clients to use the principles of Mantourage Dating.
(This is essentially dating more than one man at a time indefinitely, or until you are in an exclusive loving relationship.)
2. A woman’s exclusivity is a gift. I believe that women should immediately QUIT giving away their exclusivity without profound consideration first.
3. It is absolutely common for a man who is really excited about you (which happens all the time with my clients) to want to know everything about you right away. It is your job, on the other hand, to unveil yourself at your own pace. (It keeps the intrigue going, plus it leaves you feeling less vulnerable as an adored woman.)
4. Facebook, in my view, is a place to connect with loved ones or friends.
And now the Why…
All too often, I see this turn out badly for women – especially in the early stages of dating.
These are examples of what I see happen:
A. He drifts into the friendzone quickly, and you drive yourself insane trying to figure out what is going on with him by stalking his FB page.
B. He has little context for your profile, and because he only likes you – but hasn’t fallen for you – he misinterprets a lot of things and pulls away.
C. He and the other men you are dating start to feel competitive with each other, making your timeline fair game for their own romantic agenda with you. Yes, I’ve even seen where they have sent each other nasty messages. Trust me, this isn’t flattery. This is sloppy on your part and out of integrity. Dating more than one man at a time is permission to explore who you are romantically before committing to a long term partner; IT IS NOT intended to boost your ego at the expense of a man’s heart.
Essentially, refraining from Facebook-friending a man you are dating saves you from a lot of complicated mishaps, and adds another level of proof that you are not desperately searching for a man to complete you. It silently shows that you value his ability to honor your personal time frame about not rushing into a relationship. (Plus, it sets you apart from countless other women.)
AND if the relationship doesn’t go the way you want it to, this also saves you from having to unfriend or even block him. This is great, especially if he turns out to be cray-cray, or if you have fallen hard then you don’t have to watch him put up pictures of him and his new girl. (Yes, I know many of you secretly like to torture yourselves by doing this. STOP IT!)
So what do you do if he friend requests you?
Shoot him a short message that says:
Hey Mr. (Insert His Name) I am really enjoying getting to know you, but I’d feel more comfortable waiting a bit before we become facebook friends. Is that cool with you?
See… it really is that easy.
And if he becomes a total jerk about it, well you just saved yourself a lot of heartache and headache down the road by no longer engaging with a man who can’t honor a request as simple as not becoming Facebook friends for now.
P.S. If you have any questions about this, hit me up in the comments below.