#FairyDustTV Episode 24, Should I Text Him?
#FairyDustTV Video Transcript:
Should I text him?
Or better yet, Should You Text Him?
I get it!
I understand the frustration that comes when trying to figure out that new guy or that guy you’ve been talking to for quite a while via text. Texting has become such a popular form of communication. It’s easy. It’s a way to check-in. It’s a way to do so many things; but the main question we end up asking ourselves is “Should I text him?”
Texting is also a place where miscommunication, misunderstanding and a lot of problems may arise.
So I completely understand why women are even asking themselves: “Should I text him?”
I remember back in the day when I first started this Romantic Fairy Godmomma gig. The most popular question I ever got was (and still is):
“What do I say to him, Jenn?”
He said this… what do I say back to him?
Should I text him right now or should I not?
Am I texting too much?
Am I texting too little?
Am I sending the right response?
It can drive you a little bonkers!
I admit that I’m really good at helping women create fun, flirty, awesome responses to texting so I could spend this episode talking to you about how you can do.
But before you can even get to that creative part, you need specific guidelines to texting that will help you decide whether or not you should even be texting. From there, you can decide what to text. So let’s start with the foundation…
These are the guidelines for texting that I used in my dating experiences and that I use to help other women from around the world with their dating experiences.
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No. 1 Let a man initiate most of the texting conversations.
I know your first question is, WHY?
This isn’t just texting conversations. This can be any digital conversation. (I’m not talking about conversations in person BTW.) I’m talking about conversations where a guy you’re dating is reaching out to communicate with you via digital means.
So by now if you have been watching #FairyDustTV for any length of time you know that men are wired to pursue.
It doesn’t mean that we women can’t be bold and say what we want or let him know our interest, but you should understand that men by nature are pursuers. If he is the one reaching out to you then he is solidifying his interest in you little by little.
Even to this day, (almost 10 years together) I let my husband contact me the most. It’s not like I never contact him but I let him do most of the initiating. (I started this while dating him)
I can’t tell you how nice it is to NOT be the one in the relationship who says: “Hey, where are you? What are you doing? How is this? Blah Blah Blah”
He reaches out to me. He communicates with me. He checks on me.
It feels so good!
It doesn’t mean that I never contact him, but it feels good as a woman to have him, after all these years, to still pursue me like this.
It feels wonderful. And you can set it up that way too with your future man Single Lady. Just let him initiate most of the texting (digital) conversations.
No. 2 Texting is a place for fun. It should be playful and informative.
It is not a place for accusations and arguments.
Too many women have used texting as an opportunity to interrogate men and to have fights.
Texting is a place of communication that’s supposed to add to your relationship and not take away from it.
EXAMPLE: My husband and I have maybe said five words that were not very nice to each other over a history of 10 years together –via text.
That way, when we see a message on our phones from each other, there’s no fear that’s already been established about what that text might contain.
It’s always, ” Yeah! I got a text from my wife” or “ Yeah! I got a text from my husband”. It works because we don’t have a long history of arguing/interrogating/criticizing via text.
It’s a place to have fun, to be playful or exchange information that we need in regards to our lives and our family.
Guideline Number 2 is texting is not for arguing. Texting is not for accusation. Texting is a place for good things to happen.
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No. 3 There’s nothing sexy about being the girl who always texts last.
I call this woman the “last call” girl because she is like the woman at the bar who waiting till the very end of the night in hopes of getting hit on. She’s there to see who’s finally going to pick her. Then finally, the guy who is just a little bit too drunk is like, “You, I’ll talk to you. Maybe you and I can go hook up”.
There is nothing sexy about being the “Last Call” girl.
If you’re the one always leaving the conversation last or being the “last call” girl, that’s the kind of energy that you are setting up with him. You’re not giving him much to look forward to. You’re also telling him that you have no life outside of his texting conversations with you –which we know is not the case.
I worked with smart, professional women around the world. You ladies are fascinating.
You have full schedules. You have these interesting things going on in your life. You don’t have time to spend hours everyday focusing just on him.
Being the woman that has an unlimited amount of time to spend texting him doesn’t make you interesting to men longterm.
More often than not, I want you to be the one to leave the conversation first Lovergirl.
No. 4 You should be comfortable with his possible responses every time you send a text. Or don’t send one.
This is the big deciding factor to should I text him?
Are you comfortable with what you’re sending him? More importantly are you really comfortable with his response to what you’re sending him.
If you’re ready to tell him I love you via text and you’re gonna lose your sh@t if he doesn’t respond or if he tells you “I’m sorry I’m not there yet”, then you shouldn’t be sending that text yet.
You need to be comfortable with his responses.
Let me give you an example:
When I was first dating my husband, it took us a while to get that kind of texting closeness.
It took me a while to tell him everything that I was feeling.
I remember the first vulnerable text I sent him, requesting that he come see me because I had a really, really crappy day (this was within three months of dating). I sent the text in a fun, playful way. Yes I was being vulnerable, but I also knew I wasn’t going to be devastated if he didn’t respond the way I wanted him to.
That means you have to be okay with whatever his response is. You may not like it but you have to be okay with it. (Meaning: you don’t have to lose your crap over it, shut him out of your life completely and hate him forever because he didn’t respond perfectly.)
Lovergirl you now have 4 fantastic guidelines about whether or not you should text him answering questions like “Am I texting him too much?” or “Am I texting him too little?”
Remember, texting him too much means you’re texting more than he’s texting you.
Texting him too little means:
I know some of us don’t like texting. So by not texting at all we end up conveying little interest in a man.
A man needs to know that you’re interested. We’re not trying to play hard to get here (by acting uninterested).
SIDE NOTE: Feel free to say, “Hey, I’m not really much of a texter. If you would like to talk, we can talk on the phone this evening around (insert time). Let me know if that works for you.”
Finally Lovergirl, the right responses are the ones that you are completely comfortable sending and not going to have a total meltdown if he doesn’t respond the way that you want him to.
Okay Lovergirl, I know you can do this. Have fun texting! Be my romantic creative genius via text.
You can enjoy texting. You can make it a great addition to your romantic relationships instead of a hindrance.
XO,
Jenn
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