Primarily because I hate being told ‘No’ more than almost anything else I can think of. Sound selfish, well probably yes, I will give you that. (But the truth be told, I now think of it as owning what I want in my life and who I am, so maybe I won’t give you that;) More importantly though, being told ‘No’ has gifted me with a 4 prong approach to turn a ‘No’ into ‘Yes’ with men you are dating. Bonus: No fit throwing necessary! Curious? Keep Reading…
When I first started dating my current beau, he was a bag full of No’s. He would make plans and then cancel. I would ask if he wanted to join me for a specific event, he always politely declined. He would not go eat exotic foods with me because he didn’t like them. Literally the list of No’s was endless. Yet, these days he is truly my knight and shining armor. So what changed?
My 4 step approach to ‘No’.
1. Be okay with where he is at & drop kick your nagging, complaining, or whining to the curb. (Even it’s a tiny, so called discreet, jab.)
This is a HUGE step. Why? Because you will NEVER GET A SINCERE YES from a man that feels pressured into it by your above mentioned behaviors. You will however open a doorway to Yes, by honoring his opinion. He is entitled to his opinion, just like you are. You are also entitled to change his opinion 😉 Operation Opinion Challenge is a much easier process when he feels like he isn’t being pressured into this by you.
Side Note: When you get one sincere yes, you will get more and more of them. Because underneath the tough exterior men really want to make the women they adore happy. So drop the bitch tactic. It’s only short term effective. Long term you will be punishing your relationship, and eventually he will stage a coup.
2. Be sure to do the activities he has said ‘No’ to on your own or with a friend.
Very important while dating, never give up what you really want to do because you have been told ‘No’. So if he doesn’t want to go out Friday night, then you get your hot sassy ass together with friends, or another date, and go have a blast. Is it a vacation? Then ‘Viva Mexico’ & start planning without him. If it’s a budget issue, put your creative cap on and do something within you budget that is very similar. His ‘No’ is never a good excuse to not have what you want.
Case In Point: My man last minute cancelled on me shortly after we became exclusive. So I called a dear male friend to go have drinks. On the way to meet my friend, my man called and asked me what I was doing. I responded I was going to have drinks with a friend. He then asked “What friend?” I answered “Charlie.” My man then asks me, “Do you mind if I join you?”
3. Do not make a point to tell him that you are doing it anyway.
This actually just goes back to the bitchy tactic. It’s not classy, and in his mind he’ll be saying “Whatever”. Notice, with my example from above I didn’t call him to tell him I was going out without him. Nope, his “You are having fun without me radar” went off with sirens. Instead, I recommend you not talk about it unless he directly asks. As women, we believe honesty is about being a 100 percent forthcoming all the time.
Actually, men enjoy having to figure out what you are thinking, and less is so much more. Makes them think about you more. A little mystery is very intriguing to men. So intentionally vague is okay too while you are dating. Just to be clear, vague is not lying. Lying is lying. While you are dating, you owe him no explanations of every single move you make. So if you are updating him on your daily itinerary, stop that now, it’s overkill.
4. Do not become exclusive with someone who doesn’t show interest by actually engaging in activities with you.
If he doesn’t want to ever hang out with you and your friends, never agrees to go where you want to go, continuously says ‘No’ to your requests despite using the 3 previous steps, well then be damn sure you don’t become exclusive with him. By all means if he is an amazing lover, and you are okay with him being just your lover keep him around. A man who never shows interest in experiencing your world or saying yes to you just isn’t that into you yet. Time will tell if that changes but exclusivity rarely will change the dynamic. Most of the time it makes it much worse.
There you have it My Ladies, go forth and take your ‘YESSes’, Let me know how they are working out for you by commenting below. Also share your Yes knowledge with your girls on Facebook, Twitter, Google +1 and Buzz if you enjoyed my 4 prong approach.