Is He Allowed to Adore You? Part Deux

YES YES YES!!! You are soooo excited, a really hot man just asked you out.

You feel the butterflies in your stomach and you can’t wait to share with your girlfriends that you have a date, which equates to a potential new love interest.  We are all doing the happy dance for you!

Then, he says it…  the dreaded question that comes out of his mouth.  You just stand there and your mind panics, as you race for a response… something seemingly so innocent is the start of the your kiss of death for this relationship potential.

“I don’t know, whatever you would like to do.”

Now I am running in slow motion towards you yelling “NO… NO… NO…!@#@!!!!”

Being a little dramatic are we Jenn? Nope, not so much.

In my early 20s I remember being very excited a when a man I found attractive would ask me to hang out.  For many reasons I used to believe that the way to a man’s heart was to be as low maintenance as possible. This meant if he asked me what I wanted to do, I always responded with “I don’t know, what do you want do.”

I had heard that men always complained about so called “High Maintenance Chicks”, so  I was convinced that it was my low maintenance policy would be what men would find so attractive about me.  Funny enough, my dating life sucked.

When I started my dating research in ’06, I decided that I was going to do everything differently.

At the top of my list was my low maintenance policy.  This was probably one of my most uncomfortable and most rewarding dating transitions.  I still remember to this day very clearly the first time a man asked me out after I had made my mental switch.

“Would you like to go out on a real date?”

My mind was racing.
A real date?
Are you freakin kidding me, a real date, I’m not quite sure I’ve ever been out on a real date.
That sounds promising.

“Yes, I think I would”

“Great, How about next Friday night?”

“That sounds good”

“Where would you like to go”

Oh Shit, Oh Shit, I don’t know, what do I do now?

According to my anti-low maintenance law I shall not answer with what ever you like.

“I’m not sure, let me think about it, and I will let you know”
“Sounds Perfect!”

Yes ma’am that was a fantastic date indeed.

The perfect start to my fantabulus dating adventures.  I started to get clear on things I would like to do on dates.  If I didn’t know, I would request time to ponder it.  Men responded so favorably, and they never once stuck me in the high maintenance category.  I had many wonderful repeat dates, and felt very adored for the first time in my life.  I also started to see almost all men as true gentlemen.  Something that before I wasn’t quite sure existed in our modern society.  It also gave me incredible insight about previous men in my life, and how they had tried to but I really didn’t give them the opportunity to get it right with me.
Most men have a genuine interest in not fucking it up with us, especially from the beginning.  They really care if you are having a great date as well, and are just as nervous if not more than you.  A man’s dilemma is that every woman is VERY different.  Men know this very well.  So if you share with him just one small suggestion such as where to go on a date, you have started to give him a clue to how to adore you.

Also this takes an enormous pressure off of him to try to pinpoint what you like, and he can focus the date details instead.  Both of you are guaranteed to have a much better time.
This one particular exercise in telling men where they could take me on a date was one of the first big nuggets of wisdom I received about men and their adoration.  We as women give men the opportunity to adore us.  If we don’t open the door then we get cast aside in their minds in many instances or set up relationships with men that foster our resentment towards them.

There are many many ways you give men these opportunities.

This is just one way that is particularly effective because it happens from the beginning.

So Girlfriend make a list of places you would like to go for a date.  No worries about telling him what you would like to do, because you are doing both of you a favor!  If you like this post, be sure to share this on facebook and twitter!

Also let me know what ways you let the men in your life adore you by commenting below.