Most of us know one, many of us have been attracted to or seduced by one.
Sometimes we refer to them as our modern day Casanova. His chemistry is electrifying, smile heart melting, & behavior maddening.
The truth is that there are several different types of so called players. The average player these days does not have the skill level, intensity or focus that Casanova possessed.
Casanova’s execution of seduction was artistry.
He studied his intended lover to a degree that very few in our modern day society have the attention span or the complex understanding of varying female desires and needs to do. He would figure out exactly what a woman was missing in her life, and then remedy her situation with creative complexity and a do whatever it takes attitude. This combination of emotional genius and unwavering commitment to female pleasure, left a substantial trail of lovers recovering from his whirlwind affection and ultimate departure.
As I mentioned before, very few modern day players possess Casanova’s skill. The average modern day player is one of opportunity and convenience.
There are no true skills involved with his method of seduction.
Typically this player has something about him either physically or about his lifestyle that draws women to him in droves. Musicians, pro-sports players, politicians, etc. fall into this category. (Side note, I find many of these men to sexually be very selfish and typically lazy/lousy in bed.)
Another type of player is the man who has an understanding that a sure fire way to seduce a woman is through her mind. He has learned to be very socially competent especially around women.
He has learned to mentally engage her.
First he will create mental connection, then proceeds with mental foreplay, he lavishes attention on her, engages her in fun, and before she knows it she is experiencing some of the best sex she has ever had. Unfortunately, he really only knows a few standard ways that work across the board with women & then it’s just a number’s game.
The reason his game works so well is that by playing in our patriarchal world we women have become very depleted of pleasure based endeavors. Our never ending ‘to do’ list makes us an easy target for mental affection and attention.
There are several other types of players some of which are much more Casanova-esque, but they are definitely a minority. For the purpose of this article we are going to stick to the two I mentioned before because they are the ones you are most likely to encounter.
What motivates a player?
Well that of course depends on the type of player he is. In my opinion there is a thick layer of what I call pseudo motivation, and that can range from feeling alive to feeling competent with tons of varying motivations in between. I personally believe though that the pseudo motivation is a guise for what the majority of men really want: the thrill of being with a woman who captivates their attention mentally, physically, and emotionally.
So Jenn, How do I play with a player?
1. Rocking his world in the bedroom, doesn’t make you emotionally or mentally memorable to him.
The number #1 rule of playing with a player, refrain from succumbing to his sexual advances immediately. I personally recommend sexually staying away from the first type we mentioned (opportunity and convenience) for the mere fact you are likely to be left unsatisfied on a number of different levels. (If you are going to play with him sexually, you must must must ask for what you want from him in bed. With this type a player your pleasure should come first.)
For player type #2, I only recommend having sex with him if you can enjoy the moment of it without wrapping your identity in being his girlfriend afterwards. His sexual experience with you can be earth shattering, but only go there if you are prepared to walk away in appreciation of that moment. I do highly recommend practicing your flirting techniques with both of these players, just because it’s a ton o fun.
2. Be the girl he has the most fun with outside the bedroom
A couple of centuries ago, the women that captivated the attention of men the most were courtesans. Why? Because they knew how to engage men on all levels. A man secretly loves to be enraptured by the woman he is spending his time with. Courtesans used to be some of the most educated women in society.
They mastered the art of conversation, pleasure, flirting, timing and much much more. They could read men with ease. They spent years perfecting these skills. The modern day woman on the other hand has a never ending to do list. So what’s a gal to do Jenn?
Good news ladies, there is a shortcut to perfecting your skills of enrapture. You need (yes I do mean need) to develop your own personal passions for life. Instead of focusing on what you believe he thinks is sexy, I want you to start developing your own personal brand of what you find sexy for yourself. BTW, sexy includes what you find to be fun.
The second part of this equation is to stop player hating. Know that very few players are really playing in order to take advantage of and abuse women. Most of them have yet to find the lady who has entranced his thoughts so completely by setting herself apart from the numerous other women he has bedded. If you make him a part of your skill set training instead of making him your goal, you have a much better opportunity for him to develop affection towards you.
Bottom line, if you decide you would like to improve your man skillz by playing with a player, be sure to play on your terms. Sex only happens when you are ready. Take the lead when he asks to spend time with you by inviting him along on your fun. If you only follow his lead, like most of the women do, you will be cast aside in his mind.
Certain players can be wonderfully fun to spend time with. Certain players can be amazing lovers. Just remember if you want to be memorable to any player you must capture his attention outside the sexual realm. It is okay to capture his attention sexually as well, just don’t bank on that being the place where you become unforgettable to him.
Ladies, I would love to hear your thoughts by commenting below. If you like this article I would be tickled giddy if you shared with your girls on Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus etc.
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