Are you one of those women who has looked everywhere for love? Do you feel like love will always pass you by or be short-term. You are not alone, Lovergirl.
#FairyDustTV Episode 14
Will I Ever Find Love?
I’m gonna be very honest with you: you might feel a little down about this topic –maybe kind of in a dark place. And this episode will be a bit dark because it does feel overwhelming to contemplate whether or not you will ever find love in your life, or if it’s always gonna be temporary and fleeting.
I understand that, I understand that fully.
I have been there at several points in my life before I met the man that I’ve been with for the last nine years. It’s a dark place to be.
Sometimes it feels very desperate.
In order for me to answer your question, I’m gonna ask you three questions –because to be honest, the answer to “will you ever find love” depends on these questions single lady.
No. 1 Are you willing to let go of your past hurts?
What I found until I started my own magical dating journey in 2006 is that I held on to everything bad that had happened to me in my life so dearly. It was so ingrained in my identity that I did not give men the space to love, adore, and cherish me.
Time and time again I would set them up to fail with me because I was clinging so fiercely to those past hurts.
Since they were really ingrained in my identity, it was a little bit difficult for me to say “oh sure just let me let them go”. Eventually, I realized that maybe everything that had been happening to me in my life was setting me up to have everything that I want romantically.
Think about that for a second.
All the hurts, all the tears, all the waking up with that desperate lonely feeling, even that nasty, horrible, gut-wrenching morning after a breakup feeling that you think will never go away…
If you think about all of those things as events in your life that are preparing you to have everything you want, it starts to be easier to let go.
Which means they have served you, but they’ve served you on a different level. They haven’t been put in your life just to hurt you.
They’ve been put in your life to help you, to build you, to take you to where you wanna be.
One of the reasons that I love working with women in their thirties, forties, fifties, sixties and up is because these women have had some real events in their romantic life that have brought them to the point where they can say: “I don’t wanna do this anymore. It hurts doing it this way, I wanna do something differently”.
SIDE NOTE: In our society we are not taught how to be women who are loved, adored, and cherished. We are being taught how to be good women, productive women, successful women. (And it’s leading to a lot of pain in our love lives by not knowing how to navigate these areas at the same time)
If you are a woman who hasn’t had enough romantic hurt , then you are going to find it difficult to want to change what has been going on in your love life and do things differently.
I know that sounds kind of dark but when you’re able to say: “You know what, this hurts enough, I want something different to happen in my life”, then you have opened a door for your Romantic Fairy Godmomma to help you.
Which means if you’re willing to do things differently now you’re going to create a completely different romantic paradigm for yourself.
So ask yourself again: Are you willing to let go of those past hurts in order to make room for something brand new?
All you have to do is start considering everything that has happened in your romantic life so far as a stepping stone, a building block to creating the love that you want in your life. Not a romantic tragedy to tie your identity into.
No. 2 Are you willing to understand men?
I’m not talking about the shit that they put in Cosmo magazine on how to pleasure your man or how to know what your man is thinking –most stuff that they put out about men is all superficial and candy coated crap.
You need to know the foundation for most men, and quit trying to over-read and overanalyze men. When you over-read and overanalyze men, then you’ve made your entire love life about him and he has no space to love, adore and cherish you. You have created a tunnel vision energy around him that is suffocating to most men.
So let’s make this simple. I have created a FREE class for you on Understanding Men. (The only 9 things that you really need to know to create the love life you dream of) You can get it HERE:
|READY TO TRULY UNDERSTAND MEN? Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS to Jenn’s class on the only 9 things you need to know about men to create the love life that you want.|
Now if you wanna feel crazy all the time, then you can keep reading all the magazines and the one size fits all shit out there about understanding men.
However, if you truly want to find love — then learn what you really need to know about men. These are the things that you can build on and really start to do something with to create the magical romantic experiences that you’re looking for.
No. 3 Are you willing to tweak your approach to dating?
I wanna make it very clear: the reason you haven’t found love isn’t because of who you are, okay?
No matter who you are, there are wonderful things about you that men will love, adore, and cherish about you. It’s just that your approach to dating needs to be tweaked.
The conventional approach to dating these days is setting both men and women up to fail again and again and again with each other. It’s all about instant gratification, assessing chemistry right away, trying to over-analyze men and read his every move,
And it does not work.
There are five different types of single women who come to me.
Miss Serial Monogamist-
Now this is the woman who goes from relationship to relationship, again and again and again. She says things like: “I’m just not the dating kind of person”. Then, she’ll have mini-relationship after mini-relationship that never turns into what she really wants.
Sometimes she’ll spend years with a guy who is really unfulfilling for her in a relationship that is just kinda meh and blah. This has a lot to do with the fact that she’s just so deathly afraid of not being in a relationship.
This can be a successful professional woman that keeps putting dating on the back burner. Maybe she’ll dab her toe in the water every once in a while, but most of the time it doesn’t really go anywhere.
She uses lame dating excuses like:
”You know a man will just slow me down”
“I don’t really need a man”
“Men don’t like strong successful women”
And she’ll keep putting dating off for years. Underneath all of that is her fear of being in a deeply connected relationship. She’s afraid that she is going to get badly hurt so she stays away from dating.
This, almost exclusively, is a problem with her approach to dating and is easily remedied with a few minor tweaks. Yes there are insecurities behind it but it’s mainly a problem with conventional dating methods.
She is the woman who is smart, successful and who’s got so much going for her, but dates men who are beneath her level. When I say beneath her level, I mean she is dating somebody who is intellectually and emotionally below her.
It is also not uncommon for her to date men financially way below her (they are not nearly as ambitious as she is). There’s an inequality when it comes to personality and usually, the only connection she might have with him is sexual connection –which will fade away as all the other issues start to take a toll on her. She very well may be dating him because she really needs a warm body. Much like Miss Serial-Monogamist.
This is the woman that gets tons of male attention, but she has focused in on one man in her life so no other man can EVER live up to him, but he’s not treating her well. He knows that she has cut off all of her other options in men and she will go to the ends of earth to be with him.
It’s a really nasty cycle and this woman usually has a recurring relationship with this guy. (Not a good relationship, mind you)
I’ll be honest, this one is one of the most difficult to remedy because so many of these women are committed to making a relationship with this man work because they’re unwilling to admit that they might have the same level of chemistry with somebody else.
Underneath all of these dating types are women unconsciously (sometimes consciously) setting men up to fail with them.
One of the things that I teach is called Mantourage Dating, which essentially is dating more than one man at a time until you find your forever man –or indefinitely if you so choose.
I know that this is hard to swallow for most women because we want to be in relationships –and we have to remember that’s the end goal. However, if you wanna tweak your approach to dating, then here is where you should start.
One way you can do that is by going to my website, E-rresistibility.com and getting the first two chapters to my online dating program for women. If you use online dating the right way, you could open up all of the possibilities that you have to find the love of your life.
Lovergirl, again I know how desperate you can feel when you wonder if you will ever find love.
And the answer is yes, you will find love –if you are willing to ask yourself these questions. If you are willing to let go of past hurts, if you’re willing to understand men on a different level and not on a superficial level, but a level that allows you to connect with men in a way that allows a relationship to flourish, and if you’re willing to tweak your approach to dating. If your answer is yes, then lovergirl, you will find love 100%.
1. Get your free class on Understanding Men HERE
2. Go through the first two video chapters of my online dating program HERE to help you open up your options to men right away.
You can do this. I believe in you, and yes, you will find love.
|BONUS: Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS to the first two chapters of my step-by-step video course E-rresistibility to create an online dating profile that leads to offline romance.|