#FairyDustTV Episode 23, Understanding Men
Do you feel clueless when it comes to men? Does it feel like you speak different languages? Understanding men doesn’t have to feel so overwhelming
#FairyDustTV Video Transcript:
Understanding Men
Before I dive into what you need to know about men, I have two disclosures for you…
Disclosure A: When I talk about men today, I’m talking about mentally stable guys. There are tons of mentally stable single men out there ladies.
Disclosure B: In the dating world, there are a lot of people who try to convince you that if you understand men, you are going to have the key to the romantic kingdom and have everything you want.
The key to the romantic kingdom comes more from understanding who you are romantically than it does any other piece.
Understanding men is only the cherry on top. It is not what’s going to make the substantial difference in your love life but it can be very very helpful when you know what you’re doing and you know how to use it appropriately.
It’s about you, Lovergirl. Mainly about you.
Many people will tell you that if you understand the ins and outs of men it will make a huge difference in your love life. NAH.
What it’s gonna do is drive you freakin’ crazy trying to keep up with all the “rules and regulations”. Still I concede that there are some key pieces you do need to know.
| READY TO TRULY UNDERSTAND MEN: Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS Jenn’s class on the only 9 things you need to know about men to create the love life that you want. |
No. 1 Most men are not wired to be pursued by you long term
Yes, it is very sexy for a woman to be bold, to know what she wants and have no fear of approaching a man.
I’m not taking that away from you.
BUT
If you’re the woman who ends up arranging all the dates, who’s always asking to go out or to see each other, who is trying to make everything happen in order for this romantic relationship to evolve even before exclusivity; then you’re in the pursuing mode, And this dynamic needs to change if you want something special long term with him.
Two things usually happens when you’re in the pursuing mode:
- You end up pushing him away
- You end up resenting him because we women are wired to be desired and pursued
Again I am not saying that we can’t, under any circumstances, do the other way around –I’m not saying that whatsoever. It can be very sexy to be bold at times. But if it’s only you pursuing him, then you’re short-circuiting his attraction for you. You end up with a relationship that’s either gonna put you in a really bad mood most of the time or you’re going to push him away.
No. 2 Men are not looking for a ‘yes’ woman
They’re not looking for you to agree with them all the time. They like when you have your own opinion. (Again, we’re referencing mentally stable men. Mentally unstable is a whole different can of yucky worms)
Men like a little bit of a mental challenge. Sometimes a lot, depends on the guy.
I don’t want you to show up and be the woman who doesn’t say what she wants or who she is or what she likes romantically because you’re so afraid of pushing him away.You do not have to agree with every point he has. I’m not asking you to be contrary all the time but you do not have to be his ‘yes’ woman for him to find you wildly attractive and fall in love.
It is likely if you agree with everything he says, you’ll end up pushing him away because most men are not looking for a woman they can just control all the time or have her do anything that he wants.
Men like to know what’s going on with you, and they really do care about what you think. Those men that don’t, well, we are not talking about those “men”.By the way if that’s what you’re looking for (help with a guy that doesn’t care about you and what you think), that’s not what you’re gonna find here at HaveHimYourWay.com. Being with that kind of man is not something I can help you with because it will kill your soul over time.I am talking to smart professional women who want equals in a relationship, want something long term that is fulfilling and really means something powerful to them. Those who want a guy who meets them on that level.All mentally stable great guys, want exactly the same thing.
No. 3 Men thrive on appreciation
Another fast way to push a man away is through constant criticism, faultfinding and stereotyping. It’s a type of man hating that we women do so well when we become frustrated with men. It’s a pretty easy way to keep pushing your love life away.I know a lot of women who would do this and I used to be guilty of this myself. We spend a great deal of time complaining about our love lives and blaming men which in turn pushes them further away.
Let me give you an example: Maybe you meet a guy that’s amazing for a little while but then he’s gone.
This is quite common for women who are really good at seeing only bad qualities in men (if you think there are no good men left to date, then I can promise that you are really good at this).Why does this happen? Because faultfinding, criticizing, and stereotyping starts to come up in your relationship with him, which pushes him away.Even if it’s not coming out of your mouth, it’s still coming up energetically.Oh and then here are women who just don’t think they don’t owe a guy a thank you. I can’t tell you how far a thank you goes with a man. Let me repeat: Men thrive in being appreciated. We all do in some level, but men really really do.They want to feel like you actually want them around and you appreciate what they bring to the table.So feel free to appreciate ALL the men in your life, not just romantically but your friends, coworkers, and family as well.
No. 4 Long-term chemistry is determined by how he feels around you
A lot of women use all kinds of excuses to explain why men leave them. Yet the truth is that most men leave you because of how they feel around you.
Long term chemistry isn’t just sexual.
It can be a very important component but it’s not exclusively what determines long term chemistry. More importantly is how he feels around you and how much fun he has when he is with you.How do you make him feel?Does he always feel criticized by you?
Does he feel that you exclusively acknowledge his faults?
Are you always so serious that you guys can never have a little fun, cut loose a bit? Or a lot?
Playfulness determines long-term chemistry more than the sexual component.
PLUS playfulness is the shortcut to getting back to sexual chemistry when it wanes faster than anything else. I want you to remember this.If the guy you’ve been dating starts pulling away from you, I don’t want you to freak out and try making everything right. Instead I want you to first assess how much fun you guys have together.
Is it always kind of bland and boring or the same old thing?
If so then when you connect again, do something a little bit different. You can spice it up, it can be a little sexual if you guys are on that level, but I always think that going for the playful is a more solid bet to getting his attention back on you than anything else.So I’ve given you four great pieces to truly understanding men. And again like I mentioned before, this is the cherry on top stuff.It’s not about changing who you are or being somebody that you’re not.
It’s about understanding enough that gives you an opening to explore who you are romantically and respond to men in a way that draws them in so that he can’t stop thinking about you.With that said, I have a 30 minute class on Understanding men that you can find here:This class will dive even deeper keeping you on track with the things you actually should know about men and NOT the things that will drive you crazy.
Kisses Lovergirl,
Jenn
| READY TO TRULY UNDERSTAND MEN: Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS Jenn’s class on the only 9 things you need to know about men to create the love life that you want. |
