Guess what – I checked out early. From Mexico that is. You see, I was scheduled to stay a full 7 weeks on a beautiful tropical island.
But something was off, way off. And after 3 weeks I decided it was time to call it a night. I’ve been home a couple weeks now, and I am so glad I made the decision I made.
I could explain to you all the details of why I came home, because there are several contributing factors. Instead, as your Romantic Fairy Godmomma I’d rather show you how you can use my experience to help you while you are on a date.
Now in these parts of Romantic Fairy Godmomma-ville, by now you know the beauty and benefits of Mantourage Dating™ (dating more than one man at a time until you found your forever man or indefinitely).
BUT I know many women remain uncomfortable with dating in general because they don’t know how to properly handle certain situations with men.
For instance: what do you do when you end up on a shitty date?
Yes, I know what many women do… usually 1 of 2 things.
1. They put up with it and wait it out because they don’t want to be considered a bitch.
2. They lie and make up an excuse to leave early.
Yet both of these options lead to crappy dating experiences.
Because each of these options only come from women with poor romantic boundaries.
(A: she is unwilling to excuse herself because she is so worried about how he’ll perceive her; B: she is willing to lie and put herself out of integrity because she is, again, afraid of hurting his feelings. It’s a no-win situation.)
Poor romantic boundaries are the easiest way to get stuck in a vicious cycle not worthy of your romantic attention…
When a smart, successful single woman stays in this cycle, over time she becomes jaded with men and loses her faith in ever having what she wants in her love life.
Poor romantic boundaries do not play favorites.
Across the board, women with shitty romantic boundaries have a shitty love life or are plagued by incessant mind f&^%ing insecurities. It doesn’t matter if you are the superest of the super-models, the perfect combo of sweet and sexy, or the most brilliant of them all. Poor romantic boundaries screw women over daily.
Bottomline: high quality men worth your attention are drawn longterm to women with healthy romantic boundaries.
So how do you develop your romantic boundaries?
If I had to choose one thing for women to work on above all others romantically, it would be healthy romantic boundaries.
But healthy romantic boundaries are not always black and white. It is easy to fall into the trap of lax romantic boundaries, but it’s just as easy to call the wall you’ve built around your heart “good romantic boundaries.”
Which is why I love dating for learning the ins and out of YOUR romantic boundaries. And which is why in my program The Courage Kit, women learn how to use and tweak these boundaries to make their dating life magical.
Specifically for today’s Fairy Dust Friday let’s talk about the scenario I mentioned above: a really bad date.
First I want to give you permission, and more importantly I want you to give yourself full permission, to call it a night or check out early (like I did in Mexico) if you find yourself on a really bad date. You do not owe anyone an extensive amount of your time just because you agreed to meet them.
1. Do not under any circumstances turn a date into 4 to 6 hour date just because you don’t want to make the guy feel bad. In fact, it’s okay to limit your date to two hours max as you are working on your improving your romantic boundaries.
2. Always dismiss yourself from a date without lying. (But understand you are under no obligation to tell him exactly what you are doing.)
For instance, you can simply excuse yourself from a date by saying the following:
“Actually, I am ready to turn in for the evening. It was nice meeting you, and have a safe trip home.”
or if it’s a day activity:
“(Insert name) Thank you for meeting with me today. I have plans in a bit and I need to get going.”
But wait Jenn, what if I don’t have plans?
I’m guessing you probably do have plans, even if they are to head home, grab a glass of wine, fill your bathtub up with bubbles and allow yourself to enjoy your favorite music and unwind. 😉
(Hint) After a not so great date, always pamper yourself. Romantic Fairy Godmomma’s orders.
But Jenn, what do I say if he asks me out again?
“Honestly, I appreciate the opportunity to get to know you, but unfortunately I don’t feel we would develop a romantic connection.”(if it is via text message or email you can add: “I wish you the best with your love life.”)
But Jenn, I DON’T WANT TO SAY THAT…
I get it, I do. Developing good romantic boundaries at the beginning is painful.
Yet may I tell you what’s more painful?
A perpetually shitty love life.
So I choose good romantic boundaries for you. They are sexier and create far more lasting attraction than anything external, like looks or lingerie or even lasagna.
But Jenn, how does excusing myself from a bad date help me with good romantic boundaries?
For the record, good romantic boundaries are not one-size-fits all. And this example is just one small but extremely important piece of the puzzle.
You must be willing to do 1 of 2 things if you find yourself in this situation. 1: Make the date awesome for you too. (yes it’s doable, Adored Women I work with do it all the time) or 2: Excuse yourself from a shitty date. (Essentially, what you are saying to the universe when you are willing to stay on a shitty date and do nothing is that you want more shitty dates.)
Women around the world participate in my program The Courage Kit so they can learn how to develop healthy romantic boundaries, learn strategies for different boundary situations, and ultimately gain true romantic confidence with men.
I personally LOVE teaching romantic boundaries. I’ve seen love lives turn around almost instantly by women learning to honor their own romantic boundaries.
Like I mentioned, I choose good romantic boundaries for you. Now the question is… what are you going to choose?
Fairy Dust Over & Out,
Big-time news alert: The Courage Kit is closing for remodeling on August 31st, won’t reopen until at least late October, and the price of entry will double.
Until August 31st , 2015 you will be able to purchase your program at the current price (payment plans available) PLUS get complimentary access to the new upgraded version. That’s how we like to do it in Romantic Fairy Godmomma-ville.