#FairyDustTV Episode 6, The Dating Men Hell Zone – He Acts Like My Boyfriend Sometimes But Doesn’t Want A Relationship
85% of single professional women have experienced the ‘Dating Men Hell Zone’ at some point in their romantic history. This is the single biggest deterrent in women finding the lasting love they crave. Learn what it is and what you can do about it.
#FairyDustTV Video Transcript:
The Dating Men Hell Zone
He Acts Like My Boyfriend But Doesn’t Want A Relationship
Recently, I received the following question:
I’m really wondering what I’m doing wrong? This man that I like is a friend but we act more at times. One minute he’s calling wanting time to be together and the next I hear nothing for him and I really liked him.
This specific scenario is a very common scenario for single women around the world; and this is what I call The Dating Men Hell Zone.
How do you know if you’re in it and what do you do about it?
Essentially, what this young lady is being exclusive to a man who is not committed to her.
SIDE NOTE: One thing you’ll hear me say again and again and again to my ladies out there:
Quit assuming exclusivity.
Just because you guys say to each other: “Oh, I’m not sleeping with somebody else”. That doesn’t mean that you actually have relationship exclusivity and this is where a lot of women get themselves in trouble.
We have a tendency as women to think that the big goal here is to be in a relationship so bad that we ignore lots of signs around us. (i.e. sexual exclusivity does not equal relationship exclusivity)
Back to the Dating Men Hell Zone. The Dating Men Hell Zone is a combination of being in a friendzone and a booty call at the same time.
Men look at this as the friendzone with benefits.
Women, on the other hand, are more inclined to want a relationship than a man does at times. Which makes the Dating Men Hell Zone one of the most frustrating places to be while you’re dating. It is excruciating!
And I’ve been there personally (too many time). I remember that this happened to me while I was living in Mexico..
Essentially what happens is that you really like this guy. Yet, you never talked about being in a relationship. (Or if you have he has said something along the lines of he’s not ready for a relationship, not wanting a girlfriend, or he doesn’t do labels.)
Maybe you’ve gone out on a couple of dates but now you two are really just hanging out. And every once in awhile, you might hook up or you might kind of act amorous towards each other holding hands and being very affectionate.
Still he never brings up being in an exclusive relationship and it’s likely that you hear from him inconsistently. Again, The Dating Men Hell Zone.
Like I said, this is a combination of being in the friendzone with a guy plus being in a booty call. I’ve also noticed with lots of women that when this does happen, these men have a tendency to contact them when they’re feeling low and disenchanted about finding true love.
This actually happened to me with an Irish man that I dated many, many moons ago.
I didn’t realize this was going on at that time, but he would contact me when he was feeling kind of low like he was never going to meet anybody special.
He would call me and promise all these things that he was going to take me to do. Then would see each other, have amazing sex together, yet he wouldn’t follow through on any of the promised dates and outings.
Now why does this happen to so many women?
It has everything to do with what we women permit men to get away with while dating.
Here’s an example:
If a man you like romantically asks you, “Do you want to hang out?” And you agree to hang out with said guy…
He has not only put you in the friendzone but also made you somebody that he can have casual sex with.
Yes it is an unfair place to be because we women would interpret that affection and that amorous nature as he wants to be in a relationship
–And I don’t doubt that he does like you. BUT WHEN YOU AGREE TO HANGING OUT (versus going out on a date), then he doesn’t have to invest in courting you at all. He doesn’t have to take you to do anything. You’ll just be there, to hang out with.
But Jenn, do these relationships sometimes work out?
Yes, they can. But more often than not, he’ll end up finding the woman who really blows him away. He starts doing all those things you wanted him to do for her, and then he ends up with her.
How do I know?
Happened to me several times. Happens to women I know all the time.
So again, I’m not going to say that it never works out because absolutes in love don’t exist. Sometimes it works out. More often than not, he ends up with somebody that he’s more excited about.
–mainly because there are no requirements to being with you.
It’s actually just too easy to be with you. You’re willing to be there and show up whenever he wants and on his terms. There’s nothing on your terms that he has to put any effort into.
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Relationships are about putting in some effort.
Yes, there’s a flow of easiness and fun but there has to be a willingness to be there for each other and want to do things for each other.
I used to be the girl that thought he would automatically fall in love with me if I just make it super super easy for him and be so very low maintenance–just really easy to hang out with.
So easy that he didn’t have to do anything. I was there when he asked, where he asked, and everything was on his terms. And guess what, it never worked out, not once.
Never ever did that mentality work for me.
So let’s talk a little bit about removing yourself from this zone.
The first thing that you have to realize and accept is that the chances of this becoming a long term exclusive relationship are slim to none when you’re very willing to be just be there for him only on his terms.
Now to be clear: I’m not talking about being a bitch. I’m not talking about being gold-digging bitch –that’s not my MO whatsoever. What I’m talking about is having enough self-respect that you want guys to take you out on dates. Meaning it’s not just about meeting him somewhere or hanging out at night after all the clubs are closed.
Let me give you an example how a client of mine overcame this. She had this one gentleman that she really really liked.The chemistry between them was madness. BUT he never took her anywhere.
He would come over, they would have amazing sex, and he would bring her lots and lots of food. He made her thing, yet he never took her anywhere. Never did anything besides sex and food.
There was a cheapness about it. Financially and emotionally.
It was almost as if he was ashamed to take her out and call her his girlfriend.
So what is a man really doing here?–He might genuinely like you but he’s not at the point that he is willing to shut down the other options for you. And again this is The Dating Men Hell Zone for women who actually want a relationship.
WHICH MEANS If you do want a relationship then you are not allowed to put yourself in that zone anymore.
SIDE NOTE: If you’re completely okay with this never turning it to anything else… then by all means Lovergirl, do it and have a blast with it! That’s your right as a woman.
But most women are not looking for a hookup –so I’m going to talk to you ladies specifically because I noticed that you have a tendency to stick yourself in this situation frequently.
You like somebody and and you either
A. are afraid that you’re not going to like anybody else or
B. you feel guilty about exploring your options outside of this man you like
–and even though you don’t have relationship exclusivity, it kind of feels exclusive when he’s with you because all of his attention is on you in that moment.
But the truth is that committing to a man that you don’t have relationship exclusivity with is a symptom of low self worth. It’s not okay anymore to make a man your exclusive option when he’s got all of his options still open.
Again let me remind you: just because he says that you guys are exclusively sleeping together, that’s not an exclusive relationship.
Which means you need to learn what I teach which is the principle of Mantourage Dating™ or dating more than one man at a time until you have relationship exclusivity. For some women it’s indefinitely. These specific women want to explore all their different options in men for an indefinite period of time.
But for those of you who want a relationship and he has not asked you to be in an exclusive relationship, please STOP ASSUMING exclusivity anymore. All you’re saying about yourself is that you’re not worth having what you want –that it’s more important to wait on this guy.
And this is where so many women get caught.
We feel guilty about wanting to explore options that we wait and wait and wait and see what happens instead of saying, “I’m going to listen to Jenn. I’m going go and sign up for the first two FREE chapters of her program of E-rresistibility. I’m going to open my online dating account and immediately open up my options in men.
Why? Because I’m worth it. Because I’m worth having everything that I want romantically. And if he’s not willing to step to the plate to be my man right now, then that’s okay. He’s allowed to do that but I’m allowed to explore my options.
Most women don’t do that. So many women get stuck in this perpetual state of. “Oh, I’m waiting on him to do that.” And their romantic life just starts passing them by. And then they wonder why they’ve done this with a few different guys.
Then they finally give up on him and move onto the next guy who makes them feel something below the belt. And the cycle starts all over again as we get older and older.
Now I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with dating when you’re older but WHY waste all of that fun time when you don’t have to?
Why wait 5 more years hoping that this guy is going to be the one? Would you tell your child or daughter to do that? Heck no! You wouldn’t! And if you do, we need to have a further conversation. (In that case you need to hire me for a private session)
Lovergirl, I need you to consider what you’re missing out on; when you’ve attached all your attention to this one man who is saying to you, “I like you but I’m not ready to be your man.”
…instead of exploring your options in gorgeous single, hot, successful men ready and open to having a relationship with you.
Why would you continue to shut yourself down and put yourself in the dating men hell zone? Why would you do that?
If you’re still doing it, it’s because of one or two things: you don’t feel worthy of having what you want or you don’t believe that you can have what you want.
Both of those reasons are BS and they are not serving you. I, on the other hand, want you to make a commitment right now to stop doing that. Look at my crazy face telling you to stop doing that! This is not helping you.
Instead I want you to go and get the first 2 chapters for free of http://E-rresistibility.com and do something wonder for yourself STAT.
Stop wasting life on somebody who’s not dedicated to you.
Explore YOUR options because when you have genuine options in men, trust me his little radar is going to go off and he’s going to be, “Oh shit! What the hell is she doing?” (By the way… Don’t ever tell him about all of your options. That’s just bad form)
You don’t have to tell him because men can feel it. He will be able to feel when you’re genuinely having a good time with other guys.
And that will force one of two things: Either he’s going to step up and finally say, “You know what? I want you. I want this commitment. I want this relationship.”
Or he is going to step out of the way and your man will step up — the one that you have really been wanting.
But when you have tunnel vision on that one guy and you can’t see the options –that can’t happen.
Your romantic world can’t wake up, can’t open up.
You’re not going to be able to invite everything that you want in. You’re not going to be receptive to it. I need you to be receptive to the possibilities so just stop with the tunnel vision.
I know how it feels to be focused on that guy.
I’ve been obsessed with enough guys to know so just stop.
You’re worth more. You’re worth so much more. Stop shutting yourself down from the possibilities. Start giving real men the opportunity to date, court, and be with you. And come see me inside E-rresistibility.
XO,
Jenn
P.S.
Ready to build your very own Mantourage? Good, because I have two free chapters of my online dating program E-rresistibility for you to check out here, http://E-rresistibility.com and start creating your very own magical dating experiences like I did.
