#FairyDustTV Episode 25, How To Stop Being Nervous Around Men You Find Attractive
Have you found yourself lost for words when you are around a man you really like? You don’t have to. Find out how to not be nervous around him.
#FairyDustTV Video Transcript:
It’s happening.
He’s approaching.
15 feet.
Twelve.
Nine.
Eight.
Oh sweet baby Cheeze-Its, that’s one mean macadocious mint of a man.
How to stop being nervous around men that you find attractive.
It’s no secret to me that even the boldest, the most beautiful, the most successful, highly educated of women have their own kryptonite. For 8 out of 10 of these women it is a man that she finds highly attractive.
How do I know?
I work with these women on a daily basis. If you are one of the millions of single women around the world who get really nervous around men you find attractive then you are in the right place today.
We are going to go through three ways to help tame your nerves so that you can leave him with more of the impression that you intended to.
1. Own and Understand.
Let’s start with own. Yes, I want you to own this piece of you. A a piece that we’ll call the dork goblin. The Dork Goblin is a concept that I got from a lovely lady who does networking marketing and storytelling videos. Her name is Marsha Shandur of www.yesyesmarsha.com. Check her out, she talks a little bit more in depth about the dork goblin. (Bonus, she does excellent dork goblin impressions)
Your dork goblin is that “being” that possesses you hijacking your true nature when you are so insanely nervous around men you find attractive. Not only does it make you feel insane but you end up acting out in ways that are not reflective of you at all.
I want you to own this piece of you because this is actually a very special piece of you. The truth is that your dork goblin is an exaggerated version of your quirkiness.
What most women don’t realize in dating is that their quirks, their quirkiness, their idiosyncrasies, their weirdness are very endearing to men.
Why? Well this brings us to the understanding the dork goblin portion of this program 😉
Men have the same thing. They also have their very own dork goblin. They’re just as nervous around you, and they act out in ways that they would rather not in front of you.
Which means it is easy for them to find those pieces endearing about you because it makes you relatable. (As long as said pieces are not super overwhelming.)
I wanna help you to understand/own this piece of you today, go to E-rresistibility.com. Download the first two chapters of my online dating program for FREE. There’s an exercise in there that I’d like you to use to really get into your quirkiness, which is sexy to men especially when you own it.
By the way, if you’re always self-deprecating about it, it’s not quite as sexy. However if you own it by accepting that it’s a part of you, it diffuses your energy and allows you to calm your dork goblin down a bit or even significantly .
Because it doesn’t matter who we are.
It doesn’t matter how successful we are, how beautiful we are, how well educated we are…
We all have a freaking dork goblin. My dork goblin happens to be a highly competitive bitch who likes to emasculate men. You can just imagine that scenario (eek!!!). Just remember: there is always a way to tame her, to reel her in and use her for good instead of evil.
2. Practice with men.
Now what do I mean?
You’re actually gonna practice with men that you don’t feel intimidated by. Start flirting with them. When I say flirting, let me make it clear that I’m not necessarily referencing sexual flirting.
Flirting is interacting, having a little bit of extended conversations and acknowledging men. Specifically, I’d like you to practice complimenting men.
I don’t think women realize how bad we actually are at complimenting men.
If you start with the men that you’re not highly attracted to, you’ll start getting more and more comfortable in the art of paying him compliments, bantering with him, and flirting in general. (FYI, I’m not saying everything has to be compliments, because that’s not the only way to have fun. I just want you to be comfortable with complimenting men)
| READY TO TRULY UNDERSTAND MEN: Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS Jenn’s class on the only 9 things you need to know about men to create the love life that you want. |
Next, I want you to start finding those men attractive. We as women are very powerful and can actually find something attractive about each man that we meet.
I’m not saying you have to, but the more that you do this exercise, the less you’ll be intimidated by men that you naturally find highly attractive.
Find these men attractive, pay them compliments, practice having playful verbal engagements with them. As you do this at regular intervals, watch how your nerves around men start to dissipate more and more. Now, they may never go away completely, but that’s okay.
A little nervousness can be exciting.
3. Assume most men find you attractive.
I know what you might be thinking…
You might be thinking one of two things: “Well, duh” or
“Well, Jenn, isn’t that really arrogant on my part?” and the answer is yes.
It is very arrogant, but guess what?
Who the f*ck is gonna know about it? Nobody!
It’s no harm, no foul.
Yet, it dissipates that dork goblin energy and allows you to start engaging with men on a different level.
Perception is very powerful and if you can change your perception of how men see you, then you’re gonna feel more in the driver’s seat instead of mostly awkward most of the time.
Let’s review…
I want you to own and understand.
Own your dork goblin. Understand that men find your quirkiness endearing and that they have their own to deal with as well.
Practice with men.
Start finding something attractive about all the men that you encounter and engage with them more. Flirt with them more. It doesn’t have to be sexual. If you want it to be sexual, that’s fine.
IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE: I want you to know that if you ever sexually flirt with somebody, that doesn’t mean that you’re consenting to having sex with him. It just means that you’re sexually flirting with him. There’s nothing wrong with that. (So, have fun with it ladies, it’s actually is a lot of fun. A little more advanced if you’re not used to it so just start with the playful flirting first if you need to.)
Assume that most men find you attractive.
Because they do. They really do.
Bonus Tip
I have a bonus tip for my ladies who are online dating or are thinking about online dating. If you get nervous about online dating, specifically your first date, then listen up. The first thing that I want you to do is to send them a message before your date that says:
“Hey, before we meet… I have a confession. If I find you as attractive in person as I do online, I might come off as a wee bit on the shy side. So I hope that you’ll cut me a bit of slack. ;-)”
So what does this do?
This is actually genius.
Why?
It dissipates your nervous energy. You’re giving yourself permission to be nervous. When you give yourself permission, guess what happens? That nervousness starts to go away.
The even more brilliant piece of this is that it automatically sets a guy up to be on his toes. He’s gonna be looking to see whether you’re shy around him. And if you’re not shy because you’ve dissipated that energy, he’s gonna be on his absolute best behavior. Now he’s wondering if you’re attracted to him, likely trying to win over your affection. It’s a win-win situation for the both of you and sets you up for even better dates to ensue.
In conclusion
Lovergirl, all that you need to do is start letting go of some of that nervousness. Remember it’s not gonna go away completely. And that is okay.
You can use that nervous energy, add your breath to it and make your dating life even more exciting. (Fear is excitement without breath. Robert Heller) Start approaching or allowing yourself to be approached by men that you find highly attractive without letting your dork goblin dominate all of the encounter. Instead allow her to be a sexy piece of you that he gets to experience on a smaller scale.
Here’s to you having an incredibly insane, awesome, sexy love life.
Be quirky. Be geeky. It’s still sexy.
Ciao.
Jenn
P.S.
| BONUS: Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS to the first two chapters of my step-by-step video course E-rresistibility to create an online dating profile that leads to offline romance. |
Link to Marsha’s Dork Goblin Video: CLICK HERE
