#FairyDustTV Episode 5, Dating Anger And Frustration: How To Know If You Have It And What To Do About It
#FairyDustTV Video Transcript:
Dating Anger And Frustration: How To Know If You Have It And What To Do About It
Let me tell you a story…
The other day on my website, I received a comment from somebody who was telling me that I said two things that contradicted
each other.
Instead of doing it in a nice way by saying: “Hey, Jenn, you said do this and you also said do this and they seem to contradict each other.”, she had to make a point of how annoying that was.
Now, this is a very mild example of dating anger and frustration and I do have that directed at me periodically. Regardless if it is something I hear from women, it is still an extraordinarily inappropriate way to direct anger and frustration when what you’re really asking for is help.
I have very little tolerance for being treated poorly when my intention is to help where I can, when I can. Which meant her question didn’t get answered.
Now, with that said, let’s dig into dating anger and frustration.
How do you know if you have it and what to do about it?
You most likely have dating anger and frustration if:
- You’re constantly having conversations with other women, trying to figure ‘him’ out. If you are talking about him all the time and questioning his every move, well then you are likely angry/frustrated.
- If you’re constantly attracting the same type of guy that is treating you poorly, again you likely have dating anger and frustration.
We human beings are programmed to find fault.
We scan.
We’re always scanning for danger, for problems or things that we can fix and work on, so it’s very difficult for many of us to allow ourselves to enjoy the process of dating and getting to know men. As human beings this has been in our DNA since the beginning. It’s a self-perseverance mechanism.
And to be clear, I’m not saying that men will never frustrate you nor make you angry. At times they will –even without provocation.
We all know that as women, we have come so far in our feminine independence.
Yes historically, some of the obstacles were men (or the majority) or actually all of the obstacles were men; but we’re also not recognizing how many men there are out there that support us in having everything we want.
When we go into the dating realm, we take all of those frustrations and we see things in a way that’s not helpful to us and is actually keeping us from having what we want.
STEP# 1 Stop the Stereotype
If you’re suffering from dating anger and frustration or if you’re being overwhelmed by it all, the first thing I need you to do is STOP STEREOTYPING MEN.
If you have to constantly classify a man as that type of guy, you’re suffering from that frustration and you’re never going to get to where you want.
STORY TIME: I had a gorgeous client, who was brilliant to boot. I mean, she was truly the entire package, but she couldn’t let go. She couldn’t let go of stereotyping and classifying men, which did nothing for her love life except make things more difficult. It made things harder for her to let love into her life. I’m not even talking about men treating her poorly. She couldn’t see past those stereotypes to enjoy the process around her and let herself fall deeper in love.
Within a few weeks to a month of being with a wonderful guy she would start fault finding that almost immediately led to stereotyping.
That, my dear friends, is a recipe for keeping men out of your life. It’s a defense mechanism and it’s not serving you. Do you enjoy being classified as that type of woman? Men don’t either.
STEP # 2 Check your boundaries
Understand that if you’re attracting the same type of men, then it’s happening for one of two reasons:
One, you have really crappy boundaries with men.
Two, it can also be that you are misinterpreting him.
You might be using those stereotypes or your walls might be so high that he has no chance with you whatsoever. So anything he does for you –you see as a threat.
I have a client who really shifted from this perspective of thinking every man she met was trying to control her. Every single one.
Anytime you feel like all men are doing something to you, you know without a doubt that you are suffering from dating anger and frustration.
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STEP # 3 Dating Sabbatical
One of my girls actually did this and I am so proud of her.
She took a dating sabbatical and she decided to get back to enjoying her life, having fun and taking exquisite care of herself.
It was magical. And shortly after ‘He’ showed up 😉
Yes. Love is important, ladies.
Although, love without your individuality, without you taking care of yourself, love without you having your own hobbies and routines and rituals that celebrate you is love that doesn’t have a lot of depth because it’s all about him.
I definitely suggest that if you’re just in that frustration and you can’t just switch it off for any reason whatsoever…
Take a dating sabbatical.
I even recommend go ahead and cancel all your online dating accounts.
BUT once you are ready to come back, I’d like you to do it the right way:
Furthermore, I want you to just assume that men are there to treat you well. It will help you shift your dating anger and frustration much faster.
Decide that you’re not going to stereotype men anymore
Understand what your frustration is based on
And get back to what’s important to you even if it means you need to take a dating sabbatical.
That’s where I’d like you to start.
May I be honest with you Lovergirl? Even though there may have been some really shitty things that may have happened between you and the men in your life, it is still your choice to be angry about it or not. All yours.
And I get it. My dad was verbally abusive, my ex husband cheated on me.
But it’s your choice. You can keep being angry or you can start letting go and inviting in the right men into your life.
You can find problems
or
You can allow yourself to open up to the possibilities and open up to the magic that comes with being loved, adored and cherished.
There will be some adventures on the way and in some of those adventures, you will fall and skin your knees; but it doesn’t make the journey less magical. In fact, it enhances it more – kind of like adding salt to chocolate milk;)
XO,
Jenn
P.S.
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