#FairyDustTV Episode 13, I WANT A BABY But I Am Still Single
Is your biological clock screaming at you yet there is no man in sight? Are you wondering if you now have to choose between having a baby and finding the man of your dreams?
#FairyDustTV Video Transcript:
I want a baby but I am still single.
This is a topic that I don’t personally relate to, but have worked with many clients in this situation. I have women who come to me who want children and women who come to me who don’t want children. It’s about an equal amount of each.
On a personal note, I just recently decided definitively that I do not want more children and it took me eight years to finally, definitively, decide that.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Because I have a unique take on this situation. One that will help you make the best decision for your specific situation even though I have only been where you are at this moment indirectly. I’m also going to share things that I know, as your Romantic Fairy Godmomma, are very important to your love life and wanting to be a mother. Specifically, how those correspond together.
Again I have equal amount of women who come to me. Some women who already know they never want children, then I have women who come to me who know definitively that they want children.
BUT they’re in their late thirties or early forties and they’re starting to wonder if this is ever going to happen for them.
I also have some women who come to me that are still undecided, and they felt like I did. They can hear their biological clock ticking away, but don’t know if having a child (or 2nd child) is what they really want or is merely what they think they should do.
Like I mentioned before, recently I did decide (after years of consideration) that I do not want to have any more children, that I’m very happy with the way my life is right now and very happy to have the child that I have in my life.
Choosing to have a child is a very, very important process. (One that all women should consider if they so choose)
I’m sharing this story that I share with my private clients who are pushing up against that biological clock and wanting to find a man so that they can start a family with. I am sharing it because…
I don’t want you to rush that process of finding the right man for you. I want you to be a woman who is loved, adored, and cherished on your terms, and I don’t want you to ever settle for a man just because your biological clock is ticking really loudly.
There’s actually two pieces of the story and I’m going to start with having my child. At the beginning of my pregnancy (a difficult pregnancy) I found myself flat on my face for the first five months of pregnancy. I could have sworn to you I’d never, ever, ever wanna be pregnant again. Now with that said the rest of my pregnancy was really beautiful and my birth was amazing. I had a completely natural birth and it was nothing short of awesome.
And then my child came into this world, looking absolutely nothing like me. She looks exactly like my husband, which is wonderful,
so why does it matter?
I also suffered from postpartum depression (not the I want to kill my kid kind) but the kind where I disconnected from her emotionally.
Between the postpartum depression and not being able to see myself in her I didn’t feel that immediate love connection/bond. I would stare at her adorable chubby cheeks and realize that there was no way to identify her as my child. Even as I would breastfeed I would wonder about the bond so many mothers spoke of after giving birth.
But –and this is the big one…
I took care of her and I grew to love her. As I took care of her and nurtured her, I sought out the best for her. I fell head over heels in love with her, which has led me to the definitive conclusion that love for a child is not about having to grow that child inside of you.
This is why I’m sharing this with you ladies. I want you to know that you can have that same connection that a biological mother has with her child without having to go through the process.
You can absolutely have that same connection, and that’s what this world is really all about –human love connection.
That’s what we’re seeking. That human love connection, which is why so many women want to have their own children so badly.
And which is why I wanna talk about this topic so much with you, because there are two pieces of it.
There’s the child connection. Of course, I think any woman that wants to have a child should have a child. Now I’m not telling you that if you’re pushing up against your biological clock that you should absolutely one hundred percent wait and see if it happens with a man and bypass that biological opportunity to have your own child.
I just want you to be able to approach dating without feeling pressured and having to slide into “oh I have to find somebody right now” because there are so many different options to have a child, and all of them are just as rewarding leading you to what you are really seeking.
Ultimately, I acknowledge that a lot of women would prefer to be married, to have their own biological children, but sometimes life has a bigger plan for you. Sometimes things are happening and giving you what you want but it doesn’t necessarily look like the way you wanted it to happen.
This is why I need you to always bring it back to the fact that what we really seek in life is that human love connection –and that can happen in many different ways.
I want you to know that (100%) if you want a baby, if you want a child, then you should have a child. However, I want you to open up the options on how that can happen for you.
BUT, as your Romantic Fairy Godmomma, I don’t want you to push your romantic life to the side just so you can have a child.
Now let me tell you the second story so that you can understand why. A little side note: when I first met my husband, I didn’t know that I wanted children. I just turned thirty and I was pretty undecided. Just like I was undecided about the second child for a very long time.
After coming out of a not so great relationship, I decided to focus on being in the moment of dating, enjoying my love life, my romantic life and my dating experiences for the very first time.
I wasn’t mentally interested in getting myself down the aisle anymore.
Instead I wanted to see how everything would unfold and give my higher power a hundred percent control on how it happened. I knew what I wanted to happen but I was committed to staying in the moment, allowing my love life to unfold; and develop love connections –to focus on different connections without worrying about the outcome so much.
I can’t even begin to tell you how beautifully everything happened and that’s where my method of Mantourage Dating™ came into being. All by staying in the moment.
I met my husband in November of 2006. By May of 2007, he was asking me to move in with him, to marry him, and to have his child without me bringing up wanting to have a child whatsoever.
So the point of me telling you this story is when you stay in that romantic moment and allow your romantic life to unfold the things that you don’t even know that you want or the things that you want can happen so much faster because you’re not pushing your method on how things happen.
When you’re considering whether or not to have a baby while you’re still single, I want you to consider three things about your love life at the same time:
No. 1 – Trust that your higher power has your back.
I don’t care what you call your higher power. If you’re an atheist or agnostic, you can just believe in the power of something bigger than you –whatever it is. Just know that the energy in life really wants what you want for you but their method might be very different than how you anticipate everything unfolding.
I want you to learn how to trust that. Whatever you call your higher power God, Goddess, Jesus, Allah, Divine Mother, Divine Father, the Creator is irrelevant. What is important is the TRUST. ( I don’t want you to put added pressure on yourself to get things right romantically because you feel like you will miss out.)
Like I did, enjoy the moment.
Things are gonna unfold a lot faster than you anticipate because you are in the mode of appreciation and enjoyment of what life is giving you. I’m not saying you shouldn’t want what you want. I am saying that I want you to be open to the possibilities of how that will unfold for you.
No. 2 – Don’t cut off your romantic options because you decide to have a child on your own.
Now again, I support you 100% if you decide that you physically wanna go through the process of pregnancy and have your own biological child. I want you to a do that, but do not cut off your romantic options while doing that, okay? In fact I want you to go check out my Fairy Dust TV video on single mommas dating because having a child as a single mother and being in a great romantic relationship are not mutually exclusive. They can go very well together. Even if you’re pregnant. You can still date when you’re pregnant if you want to.
You’ll have to have a good mental approach to the whole process to have everything in place but by no means do you have to choose to have a child OR choose to have a great romantic relationship.
You can have both. There will be great men out there who have no problem with the fact that you might be pregnant or that you might have a small child, so be sure to go check out that video: Single Momma Dating
Next go to my site E-rresistibility.com and you can get the first two chapters for free. One of the best ways to date and to see that all of this is true is with online dating –so it’s E-rresistibility.com. Go get the first few chapters for free and keep your romantic options open, because like I said you have no idea what could actually happen.
For me it happened under six months with a man who I’ve been with now for nine years. (Asking me if I wanted to marry him and have his child.) It can happen so very quickly, but you have to be willing to be in the moment, take some pressure off yourself, enjoy that moment, and open up your options to men.
| BONUS: OPEN UP YOUR OPTIONS IN MEN TODAY! Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS to the first two chapters of my step-by-step video course E-rresistibility to create an online dating profile that leads to offline romance. |
No. 3 – What you want will seemingly come out of nowhere.
By doing the first two things I’ve talked about: Trusting that your higher power has your back and wants-what-you-want-for-you plus not cutting off your romantic options, everything you want will seemingly come out of nowhere.
It may not look exactly like you imagined. You may end up adopting a child, you may end up with somebody who has children, or you may very well have a child on your own.
BUT WHEN YOU ARE FOCUSED on enjoying your love life and understand that children/love are not mutually exclusive for you, then you have opened the door fully to having everything you want.
Putting it all together for you Lovergirl
REMEMBER:
If you want a baby but you are still single, that’s fine.
Men are going to love you regardless if you want to have children or not.
It doesn’t mean that when you want to have children all of a sudden, men don’t want to be around you. There are tons of amazing men who want the very same thing that you do, that you will be wildly attracted to, and who will love, adore, and cherish you on your terms.
Allow things to unfold for you.
If you do decide to have a child on your own, nothing wrong with that. But do not put your love life on the back burner. You can date exploring your options in men as well as your baby having options. Enjoy and have fun with everything that life is handing you.
When you’re having that kind of fun, trust me Lovergirl, you’re gonna be even more mesmerizing to the right man.
There’s nothing sexier than a woman who owns who she is and enjoys everything that is coming to her regardless of how it unfolds.
Hasta the Next #FairyDustTV & Ciao!
Jenn
P.S.
| BONUS: Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS to the first two chapters of my step-by-step video course E-rresistibility to create an online dating profile that leads to offline romance. |
