#FairyDustTV Episode 18, How To Get Him Back, What I Did That Will Help Him Find His Way Back to You Again
#FairyDustTV Video Transcript:
How To Get Him Back, What I Did That Will Help Him Find His Way Back to You Again
| BONUS: Want to get him back or figure out if he is worth the effort? Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS to Jenn’s How To Get Him Back for Breakups, Separations, or Romantic Bumps in the road |
Full disclosure: I don’t claim to have all the answers to your love life or my love life or to anybody’s love life. Anybody who does is full of crap.
The nature of love is that it ebbs and flows.
You have highs, you have lows, and you will fall and skin your knees sometimes. And sometimes you will fall flat on your face. But it doesn’t make it less magical.
We have to know those lows in order to truly experience the highs. They work beautifully together to help you experience the full threshold of love.
With that said, the topic that I’m going to talk about today is a topic that I’ve only previously talked about in a program that I created which is called Make Him Want You Again.
It is about the month long break up that my husband and I went through last year.
This still is not super easy for me to talk about.
The short version:
During the beginning of last year, my husband and I had some friction going on in our relationship that hadn’t been fully articulated. It wasn’t like we were having massive fights but there was indeed friction and I was having these feelings that I couldn’t explain. I think he was having them as well and it kept building up until finally one day, he tells me that he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me anymore.
Something happens when it comes out of his mouth, he starts looking for somewhere else to live and we are no longer interacting as if we are a couple.
I was completely devastated.
I knew –not only because of what I do, there were steps I need to take. To make things worse, I also knew that when the person you physically live with has checked out of the relationship, there’s an added component of difficulty to reconcile the relationship.
Which means I have first hand experience that the information I am about to share with you works very well. Let’s get started,
No. 1, Don’t make this about his ‘why’
Yes, I admit, I did think about it.
I did talk to some girlfriends about what he might be going through but it wasn’t all about that. I decided what it might be for him.
And I left it there.
What I really did was was decide that what we were going through at the time, regardless of how it worked out, was an opportunity.
First, this was the perfect opportunity for me to figure out whether or not I really wanted to be with him. All the doubt that resulted from the friction that I mentioned earlier subsided and it became clear that I indeed wanted our relationship to workout. I really did want to be with him.
It gave me the opportunity to know, stand in that fact, and own that I did want to be with him and stop having those wishy-washy emotions surrounding our relationship.
When somebody is telling you they don’t want to be with you anymore, this is the perfect time to recognize whether or not that’s where you want to be.
That’s what I want you to do first. I want to encourage you to look at why this is happening for you. It’s really easy to think that this is happening against you but it’s really happening for you.
For me this meant realizing that this was happening for one of two reasons: a) to make our relationship better when we came back together; or b) if we did separate, for me to find an even better relationship than I already had.
If you’re going through something similar with a man ( you guys have either broken up or maybe you were dating and all of a sudden you stop hearing from him) I want you to immediately stop worrying so much about why he is doing what he is doing and remember that this is an opportunity for you.
| BONUS: Want to get him back or figure out if he is worth the effort? Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS to Jenn’s How To Get Him Back for Breakups, Separations, or Romantic Bumps in the road |
So what’s that opportunity for you?
One of the things that you can do is make a list of why it could be happening for you. Get out your pen/ paper and start writing.
Maybe I need to look at my other options in men.
Maybe I need to start strengthening my boundaries with men.
Maybe this is giving me the opportunity to do what I have always wanted to do. I.e. move to France that I put off once again because this man came into my life.
There is an opportunity in this situation and I want you to look at it, no matter how devastated you feel right now.
I need you to look at it and allow it to sink in if you want something magical to come of this situation. It’s underneath all the grief; so take a deep breath, calm down, and explore what that opportunity is.
No. 2, Understand that women are wired to be desired.
It’s extraordinarily easy for us to freak the fuck out when the man that we care about –regardless if we’re having a friction with them or not, stops giving you the attention that you normally get from him.
When my husband stopped sending me the great texts that he normally sent me or I would barely hear from him while he was at work, and then we didn’t communicate too much when he got home, I automatically went into freak out mode.
That is normal because we women are wired to be desired by the guy we want to be with.
But I want you to understand that it’s your job not to freak out. You can show your emotions but it’s not okay for you to unleash those emotions all over him or all over the world for that matter.
Don’t flip out.
Don’t start stalking him.
Don’t start checking his email and social media accounts.
Take a deep breath, if you can reign that freak out in, I can help you. I can help you either decide to move on, or get him back, but I can’t do it when you’re freaking the fuck out.
To help you do this, keep the routines that you normally keep. If you work out normally, keep your workout. You can minimize your workout, You can make it simple but whatever you decide to do, do it to the best of your ability.
Don’t half ass it.
Let’s say, normally you workout for an hour. You can instead do 20 minutes BUT you are required to give it the best you’ve got for those 20 minutes.
Whatever you do, whatever you decide, you’re not going to half-ass it.
You can also start to volunteer at this time because there’s something very powerful about focusing your attention on other people to help deal with this specific kind of freak out.
No. 3, Make arrangements for times that you know are going to be difficult.
Let me give you an example…
My husband and I have previously scheduled a trip to see his family with our child. He decided to go ahead and take our child but I ended up not going because of our split at the time.
I knew this was going to be a really hard time for me, so I arranged things to do with my girlfriends. I even spent a weekend with a girlfriend that I didn’t tell about our breakup because I didn’t want to spend the weekend focused on it. I wanted to practice diverting my attention and direct that freak out energy in other ways; which worked out very well..
| BONUS: Want to get him back or figure out if he is worth the effort? Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS to Jenn’s How To Get Him Back for Breakups, Separations, or Romantic Bumps in the road |
I was working out my not-have-to-freak-out muscle because I didn’t want to freak out all over everybody.
Again, we’re not talking about not feeling our feelings; I certainly felt my feeling, I certainly let myself cry.
I certainly let myself have moments of freak out. But I didn’t let the freak out dominate my entire life, and I took care of myself by making arrangements during times I knew I was going to be super triggered and difficult.
No. 4, Don’t beg him to get back together.
Alright, I’m gonna tell you right now, sometimes begging does work. But trust me, you don’t want to restart your relationship on a begging note. All it’s gonna do is send you straight into your insecurities. Just like focusing on why he’s doing his everything is gonna send you into your insecurities as well.
Pleading and crying might work.
You might get back together with him, but I can guarantee you that you’re gonna have a relationship built on a shaky foundation of your insecurities. That’s a relationship that’s gonna have a really difficult time getting back to the romantic highs.
You’re gonna be plagued with these insecurities and there’s a good chance that cy
cle is gonna happen again and again and again. So no begging. You are not allowed to beg him to get back together.
Also, don’t overload your friends with this. I know what it feels like to be in a devastating breakup. I get liking somebody intensely and then all of a sudden they pull their attention away from you.
What’s really important is that you’re not overdoing it with your girlfriends or guy friends by constantly talking about this. You have to let them up for air.
I understand that this emotion is overwhelming, but it’s up to you to manage your freak out and it’s not their job. I want you to lean onto your friends but don’t drown them in what’s going on with you. Don’t talk about it constantly. Talk about other things as well and have some fun with them.
No. 5, Don’t let your health or your career suffer.
Like I mentioned before, you can do the bare minimum, but you must do the bare minimum well.
You need to get some kind of walking or some kind of movement in every single day. Your job also should not suffer. I’m not asking you to be at peak performance right now but you are not allowed to let everything go because of a romantic situation gone awry. Let me explain more…
Once you get to a point where you guys got back together or whether you start to move on, there’s gonna be a tremendous amount of guilt for all the things you let go during this time. Now, again, you’re not gonna be able to manage it all, and be perfect especially during a devastating break up.
Get that out of your head.
But you need to do the bare minimum, and you must do it well. I want you to think about what absolutely has to be done. This is going to help you to not feel guilty and help re-focus that desperate energy that occurs during times like this.
Again those are the five things that I want you to focus on right now. I also created a How to Get Him Back cheat sheet for you that has seven essential action steps that will help you soothe your anxiety and frustration about what’s happening with him; help you decide if he’s truly worth your time and energy; help you know whether you actually have a chance at getting back together with him; and find out what you need to do if you want to get him back.
You can do this, Lovergirl.
Muah
Jenn
P.S.
| BONUS: Want to get him back or figure out if he is worth the effort? Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS to Jenn’s How To Get Him Back for Breakups, Separations, or Romantic Bumps in the road |
