#FairyDustTV Episode 32, How To Make A Love Connection
Feel like you are still struggling with love? Unsure about how to make a love connection? It is easier than you think, Single Lady.
#FairyDustTV Video Transcript:
How to Make a Love Connection
Can I confess something to you?
I hate the question: What is love?
Before you even go thinking: “Man, she’s a really bad Romantic Fairy Godmomma!”, let me explain a little bit…
The question “What is love?” is very subjective. It’s different to every person. We all have common underlying themes that help us identify love. Still it’s a very personal experience that nobody can tell you exactly what it is for you.
However, I do feel 100% about telling you how to make a love connection instead of talking about the question ‘What is love?’. So let’s get started.
No. 1 Share pieces of yourself with him
Back in 2006, before I started my magical dating experiences, I had an approach with meeting and dating men that did not work out so well. In fact this approach pushed lots of guys away very quickly. I would vomit myself all over men (telling them way too much, way too soon) or not share about myself and just kind of assume their world, pretending to like all of the things they like.
Not one of these approaches worked.
In fact, it made for really crappy dating experiences and a very crappy first marriage.
What I want you to do is share little pieces of who you are. I want you to unveil yourself to him slowly.
If you don’t feel like you know who you are, that’s okay. Dedicate your time to exploring/getting to know who you are and what you like, instead of focusing all of your attention on him.
When you do meet him, I don’t want you to vomit yourself all over him. You don’t have to disclose everything right away so he can assess whether or not he likes you. We women do this because we think it’s better for him to get rid of us right away instead of later.
I know we say we don’t do this, but the truth is we do. When we’re vomiting ourselves on men, it’s because we’re insecure. We’re afraid he’s not going to like us for who we are.
When you use the very seductive technique of unveiling yourself little by little, you let him earn the opportunity to get to know you. He naturally finds you more intriguing, spends more time with you, and treats you increasingly well. The best part Lovergirl: by doing it this way, your whole romantic destiny is going to change drastically.
So, don’t be afraid to share pieces of who you are…
…but maybe do it at a slower pace than you’ve done before.
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If you’re the girl who hasn’t been sharing anything about yourself, then you definitely need to up it just a little bit.
Most of my ladies, we do a lot of verbal vomiting on guys because we’re so afraid that he’s not going to like us for who we are. If he gets the opportunity to earn your trust, and to earn those little pieces of you, trust me, he is going to value you even more.
No. 2 Ask quality questions
I couldn’t figure out exactly who said this quote but I’m gonna share this quote with you anyways: (Confession, I think it was Tony Robbins, but I didn’t do much research to verify)
“The quality of your life depends on the quality of your questions.”
This is the same with romance. When you are on a date, don’t ask him the same boring questions that you ask all men, giving him nothing creative to jump off of and start a different conversation with you.
You can also do this when you’re online dating and it’s very important to do. You must be willing to go another level and improve the questions that you approach men with. Otherwise, don’t expect things to get better romantically. (I’m not just talking about the initial stages. You need this throughout your relationship) You’re leaving it on him to develop your creativity/to keep it interesting. Even though the truth is that all of us women has a romantic, creative genius that is begging to be unleashed.
Many times we’re scared of her or we don’t think that she’s qualified as she could be.
The only way to get better with her is to be a little more romantically courageous and ask different questions.
Ask playful questions, ask meaningful questions.
Don’t make them all serious because nobody needs to do serious all the time. Long term romance is based on how playful you guys are and how much fun you can have together. It’s not always about your ability to do the serious stuff.
You need that interjection of fun because life without it really sucks.
I want you to improve the quality of your questions with men. You can do this in so many ways. You can even start right now. Make a list. Make a list of playful questions that you would like to ask them.
No. 3 Set him up to win with you
This is huge and I could do a series of 10 videos specifically on this one item. It’s important, really really important.
The truth is most of us women in dating are not setting men up to win with us.
We’re setting him up to lose.
We are so afraid of being hurt, of having our heart broken and stomped on that we do things to sabotage our potential with a certain guy.
Then, once we get into a relationship, we can go back into those same habits which can sabotage our relationship.
Personally, I’ve been in a relationship with my husband for a total of 10 years. And I can still find times where I am setting him up to lose with me. Which make this even more important for you to learn now and stay on top of throughout your relationship.
There are lots of different ways that women can set men up to lose with her. For example:
If a man cancels a date with her, many women will tell me: ‘He stood me up’.
Did he really stand you up? Standing somebody up typically means that you arrived at the date and he never did. But if he actually called and cancelled even though it was a little bit late to cancel, did he really stand you up?
Automatically, you are taking something that’s not totally true, making it very dramatic, and putting yourself in a victim role. Instead of saying: “You know what? I don’t like the fact that he last minute cancelled on me but I’m not gonna go tell my girlfriends that he stood me up.”
I have a flair for the dramatic as well so I do understand you ladies when you do this, but it’s not helping your chances at finding the love you want.
Another thing that women do too is pay attention to men who treat us like crap. The men who are being considerate, who are treating us the way we want to be treated are often dismissed for being ‘too nice’. However, we will obsess and worry and ask a billion of our friends about this other guy who is not paying attention to us at all.
He doesn’t call when he says he’s going to, he’s not treating us the way we want to be treated, etc.
Which brings me to another part of us setting men up to fail with us.
Are you doing everything at a man’s terms because you want him to like you so bad?
Let’s say you meet that guy…
He makes you weak in the knees and then all of a sudden, your world is about his. He asks you if you wanted to go to a football game, and you fucking hate football. Yet you’re saying yes, going out to buy the jersey, and doing all kinds of things because you want him to like you. All because when he kissed you, you felt things you’ve haven’t felt below the belt in years.
Guess what? This is another way to set him up to lose with you. Men need to know what your likes and dislikes are too. Share pieces of yourself with him. It’s important for you to start (if you haven’t already), discovering what makes you tick.
It’s not just about what you feel when you’re with him but what interests you outside of being with him.
What do you like? Be able to share that with a man and not just do exactly what he wants all the time. Truthfully, he might think you’re the coolest chick in the world in the beginning; but it doesn’t work out the way you want it to.
At some point, one of two things happen:
- You might be the cool chick but then he starts realizing that he has nothing to do in order to earn your attention, earn your affection –and that becomes really boring
- You end up resenting him and into bitch mode because you feel neglected. But you’re not admitting that you actually set him up to do it. Very important to consider when you’re making a love connection with a man that you really like
Finally, let’s wrap up today’s episode.
Don’t worry so much about the question: “What is love?”
That is something that is very personal to you and very well may evolve over your lifetime.
What is important is that you understand how you can set men up to win with you in order to allow love into your life. Ask him different questions so that boredom doesn’t have to set in along the course of a long term relationship. And also share little pieces of you with him and unveil yourself slowly, allowing him to develop more and more natural attraction to you.
Okay Lovergirl, I will see you in the next episode of #FairyDustTV.
Here’s to you having him your way;-)
Muah! Ciao.
Jenn
P.S.
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