#FairyDustTV Episode 15, Does Online Dating Work For Women?

Meeting men socially not working out for your love life? Have you been considering using the marvels of modern technology to help you find love? But does online dating work for women?
 
 

#FairyDustTV Video Transcript:

Does Online Dating Work For Women?

I make it no secret that I love online dating for my clients. Absolutely 100% love it. I also know that online dating doesn’t work all the time, for many different reasons.

I do wanna say that 100% online dating can work for any woman.

However, I’m going to talk about the six reasons why it doesn’t work and what you can do to remedy those reasons and make online dating work for you.

No. 1 You have a crappy, bland, so-so profile and pictures.

You will hear me say this over and over again: there is no need to have a crappy online profile or crappy pictures; and if you’re not gonna put any effort into your online dating experience by working on your profile or by putting together some good pictures of you, then there’s no reason you should be doing online dating.

I know you might be thinking: “But Jenn, have you seen the guys’ profiles?”,

I’ll acknowledge that guys typically don’t put together great profiles either. But if you want a great experience online and you really want it to work for you, then you can’t skip out on this.

The good news is that I have a program that addresses just that, and you can go to E-rresistibility and get the first two chapters for free and start working on putting your fantastic profile together.

Even if you are thinking: “But Jenn I don’t like to write, blah blah blah”.

For the love of all that is adored, DO NOT ONLINE DATE unless you take some time to put together a good profile.

By the way,
You don’t have to be a fantastic writer.

E-rresistibility will make writing your profile very easy to do in a way that makes you very intriguing to men while being 100 percent genuinely you. Then you’re not one of those women with a bland or boring profile.

What does a bland or boring profile produce?

Most of the time it produces inbox crickets –meaning you’re not hearing from anybody decent in your inbox, and when you do it’s just kinda like meh. Nobody really interesting –-nothing to connect to, and that’s because men don’t have anything to connect to with you in your profile.

If you have dated pictures or pixelated pictures, you are going to get a lot of guys asking you if that is what you really look like. Whereas when you go through E-rresistibility and you get really great pictures for your profile… that’s going to change.

Men will stop asking you all the time to please send them additional pictures because they can see current, non-pixelated images representative of different pieces of your personality.

When you combine that with a great profile and men can now see that you’re a woman of substance, the crappy responses that you get will start to become fewer. I’m not saying that you’re going to eliminate all of them because there’s always that one guy; but you’re going to greatly reduce them and you’ll also be able to filter your own messages better because you’re going to get a higher number of quality messages from men.

You’ll also be able to tell right away if a man is just sending out a mass message or not –even if he’s been a little bit sneaky about it. You’ll know whether or not he’s read your profile when you have a quality profile put up.

BONUS: Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS to the first two chapters of my step-by-step video course E-rresistibility to create an online dating profile that leads to offline romance.

No. 2 When you’re playing the online dating game haphazardly with no regard to online safety

This means you’re not following online safety guides or you are not worried about the dangers of online dating. I don’t want to harp a lot on this, but I do want you to be the safety girl.

A safety girl is one with good online boundaries.

I’m not talking about being hyper vigilant where you can’t even function as a human being in an online dating world or the real world because you’re over-focused on safety. Still you do need to follow the basic safety guidelines, and that’s one of the things that E-rresistibility covers. You need to do online dating safely, in a safe way.

One of the safety points, especially if you are a single mother, is don’t talk about your kids, i.e. their genders, their ages and other things like that in your profile. All a man needs to know in your online dating profile is that you have kids. That’s it.

You can also go to my video Single Mom Dating which talks a little bit about what men do need to know and when they need to know it. Not only is it a safety issue for single moms, it’s also a romantic issue that if you’re learning to be an adored woman, you should learn how it unfolds and plays out.

No. 3 You see online dating as an all or nothing tool.

If this is the basket that you are putting all of your eggs into then you’re going to have a tough time because you have made online dating the end-all be-all of your romantic connection. It’s the same thing when you have put all of your eggs in the basket of that one guy, and made him your entire world before he’s committed to you.

Online dating, you have to remember, is one tool.

It’s a fantastic tool but it is not what makes your love life happen.

You are.

What’s going on in your life does.

SIDE NOTE: When you’re online dating, if you’re having a really shit-ass day, take some time and come offline because we tend to attract crappy encounters in those moments, even in online dating.

So if you have a really bad day and you hate men, you hate life, take a couple days off from online dating. Remember online dating is merely a tool, it is an opportunity for you to meet men. (My favorite tool… yes, but still a just a tool)

WITH THAT SAID: Also remember that online dating does have the largest pool of single men who are raising their hand to say: “You know what, I’d like to date too”. 😉

No. 4 Women get online and they allow men to dictate the pace.

This is one you won’t hear many people talk about, and I probably will get a lot of shit from guys about this but I don’t care because this is really important.

There are a lot of guys online that are playing a numbers game. They figure, it’s really about the numbers.

The more women they meet, the faster they can assess who would be a good fit for them or do their hookup game. And to them that is how you master online dating.

A woman on the other hand –most of the time (especially a woman in her thirties, forties, fifties and most of the women who come) are looking for something more substantial in a long-term relationship.

Which means if you’re going at his pace and not asking him to follow yours, you’re violating your own personal boundaries which puts off a desperate energy about you –no matter what comes out of your mouth.

 

BONUS: Want Jenn’s class on Boundaries With Men That Make You Irresistible & Unforgettable? Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS

 

Let me give you an example:
You and a man exchange a couple of text chats and then he asks you to meet for coffee or a drink. You’re not really ready to meet, but you agree anyways.

Now you are out of integrity with yourself. And if you’re out of integrity with yourself then the relationship you may want with this man doesn’t have a lot of growth potential.

Instead I suggest if a guys asks “Hey I wanna meet you tomorrow”, you can respond with: “You know what, I appreciate that you wanna meet me tomorrow but I’m not comfortable quite yet meeting in person. How about we have a few more conversations online?”

Then you two can move to a phone call and a date after that .

If he has an issue with any of your request –guess what girlfriend, you’ve just saved yourself a world of hurt of dealing with a guy who has no patience –or possibly has other things that are seriously wrong with him mentally.

You need to think about what is your online dating pace. It’s not just his.

Don’t worry about whether or not you lose his attention because any guy that is worth your time will honor your comfort level in seeing him.

Let me repeat that: Any guy that is worth your time dating will honor your comfort level of when you want to see him.

I’ve worked with clients privately that have taken months to meet a man. Months — I’m not saying you have to take months, but what I am telling you is that it’s really important for you start thinking about what is a comfortable timeframe for you to meet somebody offline.

So Lovergirl, feel free to spend a little bit more time online and engage. I love a man who can actually entertain you online and gives you the opportunity to allow your romance to develop there first. Plus it creates a genuine level of excitement which is great for chemistry before you two have even met.

You know how giddy you feel when you’re expecting a message from somebody who you find intriguing online. You know it’s gonna be fun, there’s gonna be thought put into his and he’s making an effort to connect to you?

That is such a sexier scenario than having to do that really quick back and forth with the “Okay let’s meet each other and see if it works out.”

Plus another little secret…

which most women don’t realize is that if they spend more time with him online, he is more likely to step up his game for the first date. Instead of just doing the whole first coffee date (which I personally don’t like), he is more likely to do an activity or go out of his way to set up something fun for you.

No. 5 You’re already convinced it’s not gonna work.

Many women come to me with preconceived notions of online dating. It’s either they’ve done some online dating and it didn’t go well or they’ve told me they’re the type of woman that doesn’t wanna meet their man online.

Which means if you have decided and you are committed to the idea that online dating is not going to work, then it’s not going to work. Plain and simple.

Healthy skepticism is always fine. But you should look at online dating as an opportunity, as a land of research, a place to see what the romantic possibilities are. Now online dating is a completely different scenario.

Your new intention behind online dating will set you up for something much better and much more magical.

Still if you’ve decided hands-down that it’s not going to work, then don’t even try. Even if you have said, “I’ll do it, but I know it won’t work.” Don’t waste your time, don’t even go to E-rresistibility and set up the profile because you’re right, it won’t work.

No. 6 You base whether or not you like somebody on his photo. Only his photo.

Working with clients privately, I’ve had the privilege of seeing the men my clients engage with online, and I’ve also had the privilege of helping women discover the undercover hotties.

Like I mentioned earlier, most men have crappy profiles.

Here’s the thing: men suck at doing profiles.

They suck at picture taking.
They suck at putting profiles together.

Every once in awhile, you’ll get a really great one but for the most part, men suck at them.

I know it might sound like a double standard that I am asking women to put up better profiles, but it’s more for you than it is for him.

It’s more for your experience, and how you feel about being online.

With all of that said: I see so many women who are basing whether or not they like somebody on merely his photo.

Remember when I mentioned before that some women have good photos but nothing to substantiate the photos?

These women attract a lot of guys who don’t have anything substantial behind them. And when you base chemistry on an online photo, you run a high risk of attracting the same type of man.

If he has nothing going on upstairs or nothing going on in his heart who gives a fuck about him?

There’s no long-term relationship basis if you cannot connect on another level that is not physical. I know I sound really passionate about this or maybe even a little angry but that’s because it’s so aggravating to listen to women talk about chemistry from somebody that they’re just judging from a picture online.

You need to look into his profile and pull out the interesting pieces of this guy. The photos are secondary. Everybody thinks that photos are primary, but when you’re looking at men’s profiles, the photos are secondary to what’s in the content of what he has written.

Again a lot of guys are very sparse about stuff, so if you find anything, just a little nugget, have a conversation with him online and see if there’s any more. Ask him some thought-provoking questions.

In E-rresistibility, we talk about that as well.

Ask him something that intrigues you.
Engage him.
See if he gives you something to run with.
See if there’s something that substantiates who he is.

Every man has something yummy –like make you wet and weak in the knees yummy that he has that piece in him somewhere. Every man does. You will neglect that if you’re just looking at his photos and assessing your chemistry off of his photos.

Some of the men in my life have not been what you would physically say is hot –though my husband is gorgeous.

These men have made me feel things that I didn’t know I could feel at the time.

Don’t base everything on looks. There are men out there that you would never look at them and think: “You know what? He’s gonna rock my fucking world” –yet he will, because there’s depth to him. He will know how to touch you and touch your soul, your heart and your sexuality in a way that no man physically hot could ever think of doing. Then you’ll start seeing him in a way that he becomes hotter and hotter to you.

I have seen this happen time and time again: many guys actually look better in person than they do in their pictures.

Find the undercover hotties.

Do some detective work like I do for my women. I’ve had several marriages happen because I’ve done that for them.

ALSO IMPORTANT: Get off of your phone to look at pictures. You need to go on your desktop so that you can see photos. Those little handheld phones make it difficult sometimes to really see the photo and you might see things that aren’t really there, plus miss important details in his profile.

Okay Lovergirl, it’s time for you to make online dating work in your favor. All you need is a little tweaking. Here’s to your magical dating experiences online.

XO,
Jenn

P.S.

BONUS: OPEN UP YOUR OPTIONS IN MEN TODAY! Click HERE to get FREE ACCESS to the first two chapters of my step-by-step video course E-rresistibility to create an online dating profile that leads to offline romance.